I feel like everyone would be better off

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Obsonet, Oct 11, 2016.

  1. Obsonet

    Obsonet Active Member

    So I guess if I did kill myself the only that would care would be my parents, but it's clear to me at least that I am and continue to be a burden on them.
    I feel like they would be better off since they wouldn't have to support me financially and maybe just not have to deal with me in genral.

    I have other family but I rarely talk to any of them, and other than that I don't actually know anyone, I don't have any friends or anything. And I feel like I'm just a burden on society in genral and that if I died I wouldn't be wasting everyones time.

    Suicide just seems like the best option.
     
  2. Special-Agent-Gibbs

    Special-Agent-Gibbs Safety and Support SF Pro SF Supporter

    Hi There-

    I am sorry that you are struggling so much. Suicide is never the answer! Please seek professional help you deserve to be happy.
     
  3. Obsonet

    Obsonet Active Member

    I don't even know what would make me happy anymore, other than ceasing to exist.
     
  4. curlyq

    curlyq Active Member

    I'm also sorry that you are feeling this way. Please don't give up hope. I think many people on this site have felt similarly and have managed to be happy again, even though it didn't seem possible. Please keep holding on and try to find a professional to help you.
     
  5. Obsonet

    Obsonet Active Member

    I don't know. I think about the things I thought in the past I wanted and now I feel like they won't make me happy if I ever achieved them.
     
  6. curlyq

    curlyq Active Member

    I'm sorry, that sounds like it must be very hard. It sucks when your brain is working against you like that. But I think it's definitely possible to recover from this, even if you don't think so now. Are you able to talk about how you feel to your parents, or to anyone else?
     
  7. Obsonet

    Obsonet Active Member

    I dunno. I don'rt speak to anyone but my parents and I don't think they would understand.
     
  8. curlyq

    curlyq Active Member

    Maybe you could try calling one of those hotlines? You should be able to google a number. I used to call sometimes when I felt very close to the edge and it helped me at least to speak to someone out loud. You sound like you might benefit from speaking to a professional, as well. They have many ways to help people like us. Please try to hold out and be kind to yourself. I know it doesn't feel like it but you do deserve to be happy again.
     
  9. Obsonet

    Obsonet Active Member

    I have a hard time talking on the phone, just anxiety I guess but yeah I guess if it could help I'll try it.
    Thank you for your advice.
     
  10. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    What about emailing the Samaritans. Some crisis lines have a live chat or text option.
     
  11. Obsonet

    Obsonet Active Member

    I did try live chat on a charity but it was not that useful.
    You could only talk for an hour and they took a long time to reply, I assume they get to busy to just speak to one person at a time.
     
  12. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Hiya, I am sorry you are going through such a dark time. I hope we can help you here. Do you want friends or are you happy being alone(probably a stupid but valid question)?

    If you are in Ireland or the UK you could call the samaritans, in my opinion they are amazing and thoughtful and welcoming. You could visit one of their centres too.

    Regarding your anxiety, you need to find some coping mechanisms and find ones that work well for you. I think talking in the chat room here too could be beneficial for you.
     
  13. Obsonet

    Obsonet Active Member

    Yeah I do want friends but I don't think I'm in a position to be there for anyone right now, if that makes sense.

    I tried to go to one of their centres, it was above a fish shop and I couldn't figure out how to get in and hot to scared to ask anyone, so I left.

    Yeah, I really don't know what kinds 9f things could help though.
     
  14. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    That makes perfect sense, try and be social though, it's good for your mental well being, being unoccupied will worsen your depression.
    I have personally been to the samaritans centre and found them so helpful, some actually even being better than real counsellors, I think you should ring them up and explain how you felt and left and ask where exactly their place is. It might help a lot.
    Don't know what will help? Google is your friend!! Google what is on in your area and see what you might like to try? I do understand the anxiety part though, at my worst I did not leave the house for 5 years due to anxiety so I do feel your pain.
     
  15. Obsonet

    Obsonet Active Member

    I dunno. I would like to but I'm unemployed and so since I have no money I find it tough to do some things.
    Like if someone wanted to see a movie I couldn't afford to go with them.
    I think I'm just rerrible at mainting friendships anyway, maybe obvious since I don't have any.

    And you are right about the samaritans it's just really hard to even make a call I guess.
     
  16. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I think taking everything into consideration you should bite the bullet and tell one of your parents how you are feeling and tell them you need to see someone professional about your issue? You can tell a white lie too and say you need help with something personal.
    May I ask how old you are? I know that anxiety can be crippling but when you are at your least anxious state try and pick up the phone to the samaritans. They are wonderful and calming :) Could you get a part time job? Are you job searching?
     
  17. Obsonet

    Obsonet Active Member

    Yeah I guess I should its just really difficult I guess, espically since I suspect they msy just tell me that I am fine and I should just get over it.

    I am 20 and yeah I will try, I guess them being open 24/7 is quite helpful.
    And yeah I am job hunting, but I never get beyond a first interview.
    I dunno, after a lot of rejections it just feels so pointless.
     
  18. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    If they are the kind to tell you to get over it they are in the wrong profession. Many many people are on anti depressants and in therapy, most doctors understand how complex depression is and do understand and know how to help. They hear it every day, that's a fact. Please have more faith in them understanding but again I understand anxiety plays a huge role in regards to seeking help. I have been through it, through the ringer and I know in time you will most likely be able to open up, talking here can help you a lot too, sharing stories,tips,ways of seeking help etc..
    I wish you the best of luck, you can do this.
     
  19. Obsonet

    Obsonet Active Member

    No I meant my parents would say that to me not a doctor.
    But thanks, i will try
     
    Petal likes this.