my bf went into amnesia..my fault btw but I'd rather not explain...our relationship has always been so filled w/ passion and stuff...but also a lot of pain b/c he has so many insecurities...while he couldn't remember me or anyone else, he remembered his feelings yet..I still accepted a date from one of his guy friends b/c I just couldn't take the pain anymore. that guy...said he'd take me out in his limo to a beach and treat me out for the day and take away my loneliness...that he would tell me everything...etc. I accepted...I just wanted to make him happy b/c it seems like I make everyone suffer. my bf wakes up from amnesia..gets angry..etc. everything falls apart. we got together again...after his threats of suicide..I love him more than anything but two days ago, he broke up w/ me saying that all he ever does is make me cry...and I have to admit I do cry a lot b/c of him but it's only coz I love him...I was hysterical when he broke up w/ me..the person I had hoped to marry one day...and afterwards he was too b/c he realized that by breaking up w/ me...he gave me the ultimate pain. he started hurting himself..I could hear him and he said he would kill himself to show how much he regrets his actions. it took a while of crying and begging to get him to stop. I rly love him still...but yesterday he said "so..how does it feel to be single? I'll be your friend..forever...friends." it hurt so bad. I thought we had gotten back together but I guess he doesn't want me. it makes me want to go crying to his friend...is that so wrong?my whole life..all I've known is pain. he was the only good thing in my life so why won't he get back w/ me? he hates himself now...for everything. I hate myself...if I die tho, he will kill himself but I rly hate living...I rly hate it. all I do is bring misery. I brought so much misery to his ex friend b/c after my ex bf woke up...I rejected his date and..urgh..am I a monster?? I rly don't think I have a right to live. my parents don't care anyways. I haven't eaten any food in a while...please...help me...Ican't forgive myself either...Iwant him back so bad..I'm hanging out w/ my ex and he still tells me " i love you" and stuff..and "you're beautiful..." but why won't he get back w/ meee? I miss him I miss him. I'd do anything for him. why am I such a stupid bitch? Iwanna bash my disgusting face in with a bat. I'm so gross. Ihate myself so mcuh. I'm sorry. I'm crying again. Ian't type very well now. Ihurt steven and takashi..and I think I was leading someone else on at the same time. what's wrong w/ me. i rly love him I do. I would die for him. I want to die so bad but I don't want to take away his life in the same token..I bring everyone pain. I bring my family pain too. that's why they don't like me I'm sure...my friends I've been shoving away recently. I'm so ungrateul it's disgsuting.