I feel like i am a total fuckin failure. I think of killing myself 24/7 but i dont have the fuckin balls to go thru with it. I have done numerous attempts and never told people. I am good at hiding what i am really feeling from almost everyone and i mean almost, there is one person i cant hide it from. I can even hide it from my parents that i am cronically suicidal. I kind of wish now that when i first attempted that i had succeeded, i had no children and no ex to deal with. People would of been able to handle my death a hell of a lot better then if i were to do it now. I am fighting a daily battle to live. And none of the fuckin psyc doctors here want to even see me unless i am a fuckin in patient and if i am a fuckin in patient i can say by to my kids and then i might as well kill myself casue i would have nothing to live for then. Everyone thinks that oh its all because of the abuse i went thru i am fine nothing is wrong, Bull shit, i have been fighting these demons since i was about 7 years old and the didnt get out of hand until 2003/2004 i think i did damn good at hiding alot of shit in my life. I just dont know what to do anymore maybe i should just end it all.