I feel like I am here to feel disappointment keep coming my way

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ldub20, Apr 7, 2012.

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  1. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    Another thing happened today that made me want to kill myself. What is the point of living if life makes you feel that EVERYONE EXCEPT YOU can succeed at certain things? I don't have a purpose here and wish to die, like I always have. Life ain't for me; never has been and never will be. I can guarantee you that a starving person would appreciate their life if they looked at mine! I'd trade places with them but would they trade places with me? Hell no!
  2. jxdama

    jxdama Staff Member Safety & Support

    what happened?
  3. mulberrypie

    mulberrypie Well-Known Member

    i understand, dubby. i feel the same way. what happened? my pm box is open if you ever want to talk
  4. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    Everyone around me is finding significant others except myself. Is my purpose in life to be lonely? Why couldn't I be a person who was starving? I wish something would kill me already because LIFE IS NOT FOR ME.
  5. gloomy

    gloomy Account Closed

    You can be a person who is starving, Ldub.
    Just stop eating.

    Maybe then your other problems will begin to seem smaller.
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 7, 2012
  6. Butterfly

    Butterfly Sim Addict Staff Alumni SF Author SF Supporter

    Why don't you go and do something to change your life and get out of the rut you are in? Small changes make big differences.
  7. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    Matt, what happened today that made you want to kill yourself? I know people can be so shitty and inconsiderate and just overall despicable.

    If it's any consolation, I thought I would have a good day today with my fiance; last night he planned for us to go out somewhere and do something nice together for once instead of him just laying in bed all day like he always does, but instead, he ended up saying he didn't want to go (after I was already dressed and waiting for him to get up and get dressed) and laid in bed all day anyway (which I suspect might be due to the fact that he got high again last night after I went to sleep because I found a needle cap on the floor). Not to mention, he threatened me that he would kill himself if I didn't act like it was all cool and excuse his behavior. He doesn't know how to keep a promise if his life depended on it. So, being in a relationship isn't always the greatest thing in the world, especially for someone who is mentally ill. Because now, due to his actions, I feel suicidal today as well.
  8. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    Not to be rude, but a starving person would gladly swap lives with you in a second. Bring in a relationship is not the be all and end all of life .
  9. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    Neither is food. Why would I feel bad if I were starving but had a girlfriend? I'd appreciate my life! I've starved before and didn't find it hard.
  10. FrainBart

    FrainBart Staff Alumni

    Food is a vital part of living. Without food there is death. All those people starving, would so desperately swap lives with any single one of us. How can you expect anyone to love you when you can't love yourself?
  11. AsphyxiateOnWords

    AsphyxiateOnWords Eρεβος/Νύξ

    Matt, you know I care about you and support you in all your threads, but if you had a SO and you were starving and had nothing to eat, you wouldn't last very long with that person. Starvation would kill you.
  12. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    Dude.. if you really don't understand then let's help you out. I understand what you are saying metaphorically, but factually? There's a problem... Have you ever starved? Please stop saying shit unless you know what you're on about. I know there's a thread about people wanting to die from terminal illnesses, and I can associate your starving comments to the pain you would rather feel than to feel like you are now. But becareful how often you say it! You're completely disassociating from the reality that is directly connected to people starving. Im not disassociating from the reality that you are in pain, I am trying to re-emphasise the importance of what you are doing, so you atleast can appricate that you need to stop this way of thinking eventually.

    Sigh... man idk what you want exactly, you say a girlfriend but Il be frank I dont think it's just that. ... Do you want to talk about it or do you want to try to overcome it? Either way,... You have to help yourself before you can find a relationship. Otherwise you're going to dump on her. A gf isn't an avatar or beacon for something, or some sort of gateway internal healing thing.

    Idk .. Just becareful. If not for anything else but who you are. Cause you are alot more than this... it's just a fucker when all you feel is a need that dominates your thoughts and feelings. But if you keep fixating on this gf issue, you're going to be tormented by it continuously until you relax somethings and let yourself.. breath man. Life is not horrible, the more you touch with it, the more you can eventually share with your significant other. And if you're having troubles with something, it's best to look at them, and either yourself find the positive ways to make yourself move throughit, or pose some questions. People will try to help you gain a better understanding of what to do.. but you have to do it in the end.
  13. Ldub20

    Ldub20 Well-Known Member

    I've starved before and didn't see anything bad about, but maybe I didn't starve too long. I understand that you gotta eat to live, so perhaps I should modify my point to being that if you could only eat 4 times a month, your situation would be better than mine.

    Anyway, the suicide thoughts are still there and don't seem close to going away. There is no reason for me to keep living. I didn't ask to be born, so why stay alive? WrongPlanet.net, a site for people with my disease, ain't helping too much and ain't helping me feel good about my chances of making the loneliness go away. So if I gotta remain lonely because of my disease, killing myself is the only answer!
  14. justMe7

    justMe7 Well-Known Member

    Well.. see the thing is, we all feel lonely. Even when we are in relationships, and especially when we are on our own. It tugs at the question of why bother, what's the point. How far you go with that is yours in itself. I feel it, everyone feels it.

    I can't help you feel better about yourself, that's something you have to challenge yourself when it creeps in, and give yourself your reasons to try and do the things that make you feel better. But I, and others can atleast point out when you're perhaps letting your pain make you feel justified in stepping over boundaries. We're not pointing it out to be dicks, we're pointing it out because it's a problem, and if it's left unchallenged, or atleast un-identified, it gets alot worse.
    The thing about starvation, is it's not a grumble in your stomach or ache that you hold your breath with. It fucks you up physically and mentally. It's an incredibly serious problem, that people force upon themselves or have no option but to endure. I'll believe that you have starved, but I would hope that in time you come to appricate the way it is, and that it is absolutly nothing to do with your pain. Atleast imo... I suppose I should be quiet because we all find our own ways of trying to say how much in pain we are. But my reason for prodding at this so much is because you're getting more and more vocal about it, and comparing/ balancing isolated problems with your own. And then saying yours is worse. ... Fine. From your point of view it is. From mine, it's you not being able to explain what your problem is, and trying to compare it to the pain of another situation that other people endure. Which works.. but when you start saying your pain is worse? Or you'd rather have their pain instead of yours... It gets dodgy. It's fine to do it... but just becareful. Not just for a respects sake, but for the respect for the pain you are feeling. You don't need to compare to get your point across. It only clouds what you are trying to say.

    Why can't you atleast find some comfort in who you are? I keep mentioning it... because the more you can enjoy yourself and life.. the more life is attracted to you.. and gives you opportunities.
    And btw, no you don't have to remain lonely because of your disease. It's just finding the right way through your issues, and possibily trying to liberate ones that you think are permenant. Though I don't know you, and it's rather difficult to understand what your specific problems are. But when it comes to relationships? You have to make things like that happen, directly or indirectly.

    Are you able to talk with anyone in a similar situation on wrongplanet?
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