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I feel like I have no hope.

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Honestly I have tried Suicide twice, I think I may want to try it again.

I really feel like I have no better choice other then to grin and bear the verbal abuse I get from others or just end it all.

A few months ago I was sent to a psych ward because I tried suicide, and since then everyone is distancing themselves away from me, and yet as much as I try to get back the same realationship I cannot. (I under stand if they feel betrayed).

Now it's to the point where all my friends and some of my family avoid me like the plague.

And now I talked with each member of my family individually about seeing to get me help they all refused or avoided the question entirely and even told me i'm not fucked up enough to go.

Just like my grandmother and father say:

"I am never good enough, I can't even get though school, I will never amount to anything if I even cant clean a simple dish(Which I can but they never ask.) They tell me things like i'm too fat and why can't you look like the 0 size models."

I have to agree with them I am nothing but a useless dumb shit.

I may have a boyfriend but he's moving to the US so we'll have to break stuff off, all my groups of friends never talk to me, call or text even when I try to talk to them.

I feel like everyone is abandoning me.

Hell I even got so High I gave my father a blow job for 40$ two weeks back.
I really hate my life, hell it even used to be physical abuse until I got bigger and more older.

Really what do I have to live for if I can't even get anything right?
I'm useless all I do is take someones money, food, and space.
Hell I can't even speak my mind most of the time.
I also really hate myself, I mean how can people even like me. I'm selfish, I rarely talk unless it's to get drugs, I distance my self away, I'm ugly, my wrists are cut to ribbons, and I'm just way to gullible for my own good.

I'm 17 and live in canada, I tried lots of things to help my problem and I'm just about at the end of my rope.
I have nowhere else to go other then with my so called "family".

I really really just want things to end but they keep bringing me back.


Well-Known Member
Alexsys - Sorry to see you so down - and also sorry to see you used by people who ought to love you.

If you are suffering physical and sexual abuse it is a police matter. I would strongly urge you to take that route.

Your are emotionally fragile right now - and changes happening which are stressful - but for people to take advantage of that is abuse.

I think that Canada has a health system - not sure of your age but can you not just see a doctor? After all if you tell him what you have said here he is going to see depression. That can be helped - it really can.

Sometimes people are just scared of mental illness - so they avoid you.

But there are people who are and if your living with a father who abuses you - you got to get out. I'd simply call the police as he needs jailing ASAP before he abuses other vulnerable women.

But please do not think you are worthless - many people reach a point were they feel like that - many go into prostitution because of that issue.

I'm sorry your boyfriend is going back to the USA - I guess you loved him when you met him and now his being from the USA matters a lot as long distance love cannot really work. Well if your in a relationship and one partner has to work abroad - maybe it can. But you'd have to be well established as it were.

I hope you can see your doctor - and sorry your family and friends are not more understanding - but its hard for those without depression to understand it really - its not their fault - and its just a shame really that one of them was not kind to you and gave you good advice.

Well you got advice now - and we care about you here - even though we do not know you (yet) we are all in the same scenario - wishing to die for one reason or another.

Hope you can take some hope from what I say.

You CAN get better - and people here have been through similar to you with abuse and trials and tribulations of horrible proportions.

You are strong for making it this far.

Sorry your family seems not to care - but we're like a family here in some ways - and hope you join us and stick around.

Best of luck and my heartfelt sympathy for what you have been through.

I hate abusers.
Alexsys, I wish I could hug you right now so have a "virtual hug". I am so sorry that things are bad for you. I hope you do find the strength to speak to a doctor or someone that you do trust as there is help out there. You certainly should not be in the position of being abused, no one should. Even if you see it as different now due to taking the money it is still very much abuse of the situation and it sounds like you are in a vulnerable state right now. Please speak to someone and keep posting on here so we can see how you are. I just joined here today also in crisis so would like to see that you get some assistance and things get better for you. I have been in crisis alot and things do and can get better even when you have had an awful start. I'm just over 10 years older than you and there can be good as well as bad x


Well-Known Member
It sounds to me like you need a fresh start. Is there anyway you can get away from your current situation? I am not saying you should not plan a bit and be careful, but it seems like your surroundings are what is poisoning you.

When we are young and dependent on our parents. Often times the world seems out of our control. However, things get better if we can be independent. You should strive for that. I know it is hard. Time moves so slowly at your age. However, in the grand scheme of our lives.... One year is almost nothing. However, in the end you have to make it happen. I often times look back at the wasted time I spent being depressed. Had I put that energy to better use... I wonder what I might have accomplished.
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