I feel like i need to do it.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Rallen12, Apr 20, 2014.

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  1. Rallen12

    Rallen12 Member

    I'm confused, I laugh and smile genuinely on a day to day basis, and yet i feel like i need to kill myself, i have practically 0 friends, the ones i have always stop talking to me, move on with their lives and i just am alone i'm fine with that, i feel more genuine when alone, better not have any if their gonna leave me, i don't believe in the better to have loved then to have never loved at all. i'm not sad about being alone i understand they have other things to do then talk to me, and still i hear the "i'l always be here" quote from almost everyone and then poof we loose contact, maybe i prefer it this way, after all alot of people say it's my fault too well for not trying to hold on, true then again if they don't talk i won't push and they have friends so i get it they can't have all of them in contact.

    I'm also a huge douche when around people don't ask why i just am then i get home and get pissed at myself, so there's that i can't help myself. when i'm with people i want to be alone in my room, when i'm alone i think going out is stupid cause sooner or later i'l be back alone. i also think by killing myself would just help, i don't want to work and have responsibilities, people say having them makes them happy or something of the sort, well i don't want any of that, i also don't want to be a parasite mooching on other or be homeless guy so i'm just standing here i feel like when my studies end i'l just off myself, well time is approaching and i'm thinking the good ol' rope will do the trick.

    i'm not sad, i just don't want to live. i guess? i know family will be sad, but they won't be sad forever. it's kinda hard to explain without writing a huge wall of text, but you get the gist of things, just waiting to grow a pair to finally do it

    i checked, there isn't any professional help where i live and i have 0 money to spend


    i laugh and smile and yet feel empty(do i?), but i don't wanna do anything about it or don't know how, confused here.
    i have few to no friends, am fine with it, deep down i feel like it's better this way.
    i'm the embodiment of sloth and don't wanna mooch or work.
    i'm an asshole to people in general.

    Why shouldn't i do it?
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    sorry but family will NOT move on unless you have been on the other side of suicide you truly cannot understand that WE never move on ok we live with the dam pain until it takes us away You should know that
  3. Rallen12

    Rallen12 Member

    Sorry i don't know. So i'l drag myself for the rest of my life with the need to do it because of family? i know i should answer yes but i don't know. i wouldn't want someone to do that because of me.

    I heard the things will get better speech and my only reply is that there isn't anything bad in my life. i just don't want to live.
  4. BlueSky

    BlueSky Member

    If you don't feel happy with your life right now, that means that the best is yet to come. Some of the people in your life right now may not be very good people themselves. I guarantee there are better people for you out there who will care. You just have to look. You may not find a truly good friend right away, but one day you will find people who will listen and be loyal friends.
  5. Milhouse

    Milhouse Member

    I can relate to the not wanting to work part, After I finished high school I studied for a little while, then after that pretty much stayed at home all day every day, it used to get really boring and I felt trapped, but now I can seem to cope with it day to day, idk the thoughts to depart this world are still running through my mind but I try to keep myself busy so it can't be at the forefront of my mind.
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