Earlier this week I got some bad news over email. I had been talking to myself for the whole week about it but after I got that email, I decided to commit suicide. But enough time passed before I formulated a plan that I calmed down and talked myself out of it. There's less than two weeks left until the first anniversary of my only real suicide attempt. I thought I was over it... guess not. I feel like I should tell my mom about this. She kind of knows about what happened last year. (Only that I was suicidal, not that I made an attempt.) But you know how it is. It's like coming out of the closet. By the way, I'm not suicidal anymore so I'm not in immanent danger. But I'm sitting on this, and everything thinks I've made amazing progress at being a happy person etc etc and I feel like a slimy liar. I've been counting down to the anniversary all year. I should have known something would come up again when it drew near. Ugh.