I feel like I'm at my breaking point..

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Seven95, Feb 26, 2014.

  1. Seven95

    Seven95 New Member

    Upcoming courtcase against my father for all the abuse and another guy as well. They used me, sexually, physically, mentally...
    Finding out shortly after that I have hiv because of the abuse in my past.
    My mother simply not caring about me or anything thats happening to me. Just ignoring each other now..
    Sleepless nights, nightmares, panic attacks, dissociating. Sometimes it feels as if it's all happening again right at this moment... It isn't but I can feel everything.

    Do you ever get that feeling inside of you like you're about to blow up, skin's to tight, knot in your stomach, can't sit still and listen to other people whining about a zit on their nose, or chitchatting about random stuff. Running a lot lately but it doesn't give me the calmness, peace of mind it used to give.
    I don't know how to talk about it and everyone notices something's up but I simply can't talk to them, I can't I don't want to and they won't understand.
    I don't know how to handle this, I just don't know anymore.. I feel like im going to just break apart in little pieces or something
    I'm just so screwed up
  2. flowers

    flowers Senior Member

    Hi. I am so sorry for the abuse you lived through. So sorry you do not even have the support of your mother. I hope you will continue to write here. This community is really nice and kind. Or many people do find it to be that way.

    In addition to that, are you getting any help locally irl? I hope so.Because I cannot imagine going through this all, alone. Are you going to a therapist? And if not, do you think that is something you would be okay with doing? I know you are having a hard time talking. But even a therapist who could just watch you draw. Someone who could just sit with you. anything. If you know what I mean. I often could not talk above a whisper in therapy years ago. I would go into terror. The therapist understood. Sometimes I would draw a picture. what do you think? I know it doesnt mean much, but I am sending you a safe hug :hug: And again, I am so deeply sorry for what has happened to you. And very glad that you are going through this legal process even though the pain it is bringing up is so horrible. Because during and after the legal process it is possible to reclaim some power and do some healing.