I feel like I'm going to die today

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by meme333, Sep 5, 2011.

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  1. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    Is that bad? I feel like today is the day for some reason.
    I'm so depressed.
    Everything has gone wrong. I have nobody.
    I have a great therapist but really....well

    I'm a failure.
    I went back to university about 4 years ago. Instead of being done now I'm only half way through.
    A lot has happened lately and I just don't think I'm in a frame of mind to do a course this term and I feel horrible about it.
    It's not a matter of saying...okay take a break...I've had tons of breaks.
    I'm just tired, incompetent...I'm a loser.

    I'm so sad.
    I want to die so badly today.

    How do I say goodbye to people without freaking them out?
    I'm not going to the hospital
     
  2. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    Hi meme. I'm listening. Please stay safe. I genuinely hope you reconsider. Hugs :hug:
     
  3. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    Thanks Mr. Alex but I keep on reconsidering and reconsidering and nothing improves.
    I'm intimidated by the course I have to take this semester and I just don't feel I can do it.
    I've emailed the prof and he says it's not as intimidating as it looks.
    I need this one to get my degree.
    I just feel like a failure all around.

    People keep hurting me and when I try to improve myself I just can't seem to do it. I have no motivation.
    Who is going to care when I graduate? I have no supporters really.

    Why am I alive?
    No family.
    Even my dog died two years ago. I always swore I wouldn't live if she died but here I am.
     
  4. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    I understand how you feel...my most adored cat, Kitten, I used to privately call 24, because one day after he died, I planned to leave as well..I had to put him to sleep New Yrs Eve, and I am still here...saddened and missing him, but I have Marley in my life (a huge 14 pound himalyan with tabby markings who is georgeous)...not as bright as Kitten (not fair to compare, I know), but a wonderful furry soul...you are half way through with University, which is so much more than many people...and you have interests...is there something you can do to get over this rough spot? Hope you do feel better
     
  5. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    I'm trying to get through it today.
    Being here helps.

    I'm just so sad....lonely.

    I do miss my dog terribly. She's all I had and just even to touch her face and hug her would
    feel so good right now. :(
     
  6. windlepoons

    windlepoons Well-Known Member

    They can be incredible companions, friends even.

    I miss my dog, and the cat we had when I lived with my parents. They are always there and always happy to see you.
     
  7. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    ya, there's nothing like it.
    I take care of other people's pets and I care for them like they are my own but it's just not the same.
    I miss my girl

    i just feel lost today.

    and I worry that the more I talk about dying the less you will believe I want to do something about it.
    I never know if I should say how I feel or not or only once I've done something lethal. I don't know.

    I wish I could just be happy
     
  8. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    Have you considered another dog? there are so many that need a home, that maybe you can do some good for him/her and s/he can for you?
     
  9. meme333

    meme333 Well-Known Member

    I have considered another dog but not sure the time is right.
    There are a couple of things I would want to do first but yes, I would love another dog.
    I am alone so I have to be sure to be ready as I wouldn't have help with it.
    Sounds like it would be simple but no, if I had to go away, I would need someone to help care for her/him. I can't afford a kennel unless it was just a day or something.
     
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