I don't even know where to start! I'm 15, in 10th grade. I feel extremely suicidal because I can't get my parents to pay any attention. First off, since I was 12ish I began feeling maniac all the time. Some weeks I'll be happy, some sad. This is more than mood swings. My parents have no idea because they won't listen! I get straight As in school, I weigh 115 pounds and I'm about 5'9". My Dad is really busy with work, he's Editor in Chief at a publishing company that is worldwide . (From France-Africa) and also he compares me to other kids, saying I should be more like them which results in suicidal thoughts in my room and cutting. My Mom spends 4 hours a day on the phone (WHEN I'M HOME FROM SCHOOL). She has hobbies with these dumb dolls and combs their hair, dresses them, and does crazy stuff like even paints them! And she collects tea cups too! She treats these items like they are her children. I've tried to tell my parents before so I started with smaller things. I have an EXTREME phobia of needles and I told my Dad and he said "hahaha, that's so stupid". I felt like he didn't care!! So I feel like I can't tell him anything else. My Mom doesn't even listen and if I start to tell her something she says stuff like "Stop whining". I'm not crying on purpose, I feel like I need help and crying releases stress. The fear of needles started when I was 5 and the nurse was giving me a shot and she started yelling then she accidently pushed the needle in too far and there was blood everywhere and I remember it stained my clothes. That's where I get the fear from. Now, I have a fear of telling my parents stuff because when I was little they would say stuff like "Stop crying" or "Shut up" so I feel like if I start to tell them something it makes me sick because I feel like I'm gonna get yelled at. I feel awful because now I cut myself. One day my Mom was on the phone with her friend and I asked something important and she said "I don't have time for you now, Leave me alone and get out". So I grabbed the razor and started cutting my ankles. Now I have cuts all over because I can't stop. I also cut my other ankle, knee, arm, thighs, fingers and hands and more. It releases all my stress! I feel like they don't care about me!!!! And see, they buy me stuff all the time. I don't get an allowance, I just use their credit card. But see, they pretty much pick all the stuff. They won't let me buy music I like. My Mom said I should only like Pop music like Katy Perry, Adele, ETC. when I prefer BANDS (she said bands are bad) like My Chemical Romance, Panic! At the Disco, Fall Out Boy, ETC. -- she said they are evil. These bands save me!! If I didn't have them I would be dead. I'm trying to give up the cutting because of them and the examples they set. They said "You should never hurt yourself over anything or anyone". But my Mom hates them! OH and I don't even know where to start with this: My Mom said if I don't join her religion she will never speak to me again. That made me sooo suicidal. I cried for a week in my room. I have 2 sisters, one of them has a mental illness and I think it's because of my parents. I don't want to sound mean, but they used to argue all the time and went into marriage counsiling. I feel like I'm living an EXTREME soap opera I just want to end IT ALL. I'm not trying to attention seek, I just want to be noticed by my parents. They don't know me at all. They think they do though. And it's like they notice me in some way -- like, if I'm in my room for 15 minutes they ask what I'm doing (that's if they aren't busy of course). And they make me show what I'm doing because they think I'm up to no good or something. They say you can't swear (Damn is bad and supposedly is a sin), I can't date until 18 (which doesn't bother me) -- I CAN'T HAVE CRUSHES ON BOYS. Of course I do! I'm 15! They said you can't like the opposite sex until ready for marriage. So I hide what guys I think are cute -- I like guys like Gerard Way, Pete Wentz, Ryan Ross, ETC (Pretty much guys in my favorite bands) and if they knew I would be grounded. I also can't wear makeup. Which doesn't bother me. I can only wear lipgloss. And when I'm 16 I can't drive unless I'm with them. They keep me on a chain in the sense of my freedom (of course they don't pay attention to other stuff). I don't want them to notice the cuts -- but I'm surprised they haven't noticed how sliced and bloody my ankles are!!! And my hands. I accidently waved my hand in front of my Mom and she didn't even notice! Thank goodness, I'm trying to hide the self harm. They think I'm perfect! Which is painful. Also, they said masturbation will screw up your mind and cause mental illness which isn't true. (I do it, if they knew I would be kicked out of the house). If I said the F word I would be grounded for a month. I snuck and watched the breakfast club. It helped me so much! I feel easily related to now, and if they knew I would probably have my phone taken away forever. My oldest sister rebelled big time. She went and got a tattoo, earrings and eloped to a random guy. My Mom almost had a heart attack. Since my sister is still technically in the religion and her husband was in the religion too my Mom still talks to her. Also, my Dad picked out what career I will have and wants me to go off to an expensive college. He said he wants me to be a writer or sometype of job like that and that I'm going off to an ivy league college which TOTALLY isn't my thing. I'm not really the scholar type. I just want to live my life myself!!!!! I feel like I'm gonna need MEGA therapy when I'm 18. If I asked my parents they would LAUGH and say it's stupid. My Mom said that I'm her only perfect daughter and the one she hopes will lead the family right. WHICH KILLED me inside when she said that. Now, my parents are screwing me up because they are getting rid of my sofa and replacing it with a damn recliner. This is an example of communication. Just up and having my sofa taken away with no discuss first. My Dad is so busy with his job, then in his free time he has hobbies like golfing and woodwork. Like I said, my Mom has these dolls and toys and stuff she literally thinks about all the time. She has them all over the office, and is now getting into reborn dolls that look like real babies. My friends and I relate to the most. We talk about a lot of stuff, but I'm having trouble telling them stuff because they might go to their parents. See, their parents are friends with mine. So it's stuck. Now, see My Mom is on the phone, my Dad is off doing woodwork or something, and for about 3 hours I will be left here crying and they will have no idea. My Mom is always talking to this friend of hers, and she's always saying "oh my poor friend, her husband is cheating on her and I have to be here for her all the time" or something like that. I've tried to tell my Mom about my ISSUES and she said "I don't have time for this, leave me alone". I feel like i'm a character from a damn movie!!! I need some serious advice from you people. My life is so messed up. And if I call the suicide hotlines (which I feel I need in person advice if you get it) my parents will know as they check the phone bills. Also, I can't play a musical instrument which is killing me. I really want to play guitar, but they said it's too noisy and it's evil. I did ballet when I was young and they took me out. Now my Dad wants me in Basketball and it's not my thing and he's forcing me to do it. I'd much rather take up music lessons. I exercise like a fool! He said competive sports will be good for my mind. This issue alone is making me suicidal. He said "Oh you should be more like the girls who play basketball" and said "Basket Ball will be awesome for you, and maybe I'll send you off to a college for basket ball". Basketball is fine, it's just NOT FOR ME. I can't take people living my life for me. Which is why I feel like rebelling big time now by buying albums they don't like, watching more R rated movies and maybe even painting my nails black. They said the color black is evil. It's my favorite color and I prefer black makeup like eyeliner, black hair, black nails, ETC. They said it's gothic and that gothic is evil. I don't want to be damn gothic, I just like the look of black! If I dressed in white they would be so happy. Black is no different than white. I like the look of scene with layered hair. They said that's awful. My Mom said she won't let me get my hair layered! She said the best hair that is modest for a young religious woman is cut evenly across. I really want streaks in my hair like blue or pink -- If I asked I would probably be yelled at. A week ago I started crying and my Mom said "BE QUIET AND SHUT UP" and that made me get the nervous twitches really bad and it made my stomach get queezy, now I still have the feeling. Someone, please help me!! I need some advice!!!! Sorry for taking up your time! I feel hopeless and may kill myself.