I feel like I'm too complicated

Discussion in 'Rape and Abuse' started by ThePhantomLady, Mar 17, 2016.

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  1. ThePhantomLady

    ThePhantomLady Safety and Support SF Supporter

    Yesterday my LDR boyfriend and I had a long talk about what triggers me re the sexual abuse and prostitution I was forced to do... he has apparently been reading articles about survivors. He wants to understand me and respect me.

    I'm so touched how much he cares... he's always so respectful with me when we talk. We've had naughty talks and we've done a few things on cam (no full on stuff though) and if I even for a second felt uncomfortable he saw it before I got to tell him.

    We talked about what I can and what I can't do, and what I can do depending on my 'mood'... it's good to establish these things before we meet. I'm very scared of men, and sex was never my favourite thing. But I do want him, not just for his sake... and I want it to work.

    But I worry I'm too complicated.

    I feel like I hurt him every time I mention something to him that triggers me.

    He has asked me to always do that so he can learn... so he doesn't hurt me unintentionally... but I hate every time I do that.

    Just today we were joking around, and I told him to give me a minute to find the poem I wrote about him last night... he started counting down. That's a trigger for me. My mum used countdowns against me to stress me out, and if I didn't do the thing within the time she would hit me... so I had to tell him. And he feels awful. He promises to never do that again.

    I just feel like it's putting a damper on our relationship... he tries so hard, and I'm going to work on the triggers etc once the DBT part of my therapy starts... but yeah.

    I have so much baggage. I've been through so much... and he's paying the price. And now that I've been hurting myself again last week, and he was busy... he feels horrible and responsible. I hurt myself because of my past. He's the reason why I try to fight against it. He does everything right.

    All I want is to be normal. I want to be like everyone else... and I want him to feel confident with me.
    We've talked about this too, I don't want him to be scared to touch me. If he does that when we get together it's going to hurt me too... It will kill my already bad confidence completely. I'll start thinking there's something wrong with me and that he's too disgusted to touch me.

  2. na-taya

    na-taya Well-Known Member

    I know you posted this awhile ago but I only just seen it now......

    I understand what you mean about being to complicated for him, but I also know that not sharing this information can damage a relationship its hard for them to understAnd that its not about them unless they at aware....they balm themself for not being attractive or good enough...well that's what happened in my case any was i mean your boyfriend from the sounds of it has a lot more respect for you than mine did.........

    I know it hard but I believe you should tell him and may to start you don't need to tell him a all the triggers just a few maybe I donno.......

    I hope you are able to find a way to get around this with him but I am possitive he will be patient with you

    *big hugs*
    ThePhantomLady likes this.
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