I feel like it's me. Bad luck. Poison.

Discussion in 'Welcome' started by fade021, Mar 31, 2014.

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  1. fade021

    fade021 New Member

    Hello to all. I`m 34 year old, with one suicide attempt behind me. Most of my life, i`ve been working, steady jobs underpayed but hey. Always tried to improve myself and push forward, loved my friends, my family, animals, guiding myself to be a better man every day more and more in every way. I was full of emphaty to others, trying to help as much as i can, i was raised like that, cause my parents are good people. Then it all stoped. My friends moved on, the music stoped, i can`t even hear it anymore, lost my job in worst time, mother stroked, father in wheelchair lost his job also. That little selfestem i got left started to drain away, and time was flashing before my eyes. Once emotional person started to lose piece by piece of himself and what he aimed to be. Wife leaves, i let her go, she is better off without me i was staling anyway, like i walked milion miles and was not getting nowhere and God knows i tried best. So i try to took the easy way out, but it was hard for me. Hurted alot of people only made me feel even worse. After that i did not get more reason to go on. So i try to move on, but inside myself i know i was going nowhere again. Nobody and nothing could fix me this broken. I miss all the stuff that made me feel alive and happy small things, that drained away also. So after 2 years i`m on the same page, there is not one day i dont think about taking my life, and it`s tering me apart, i`m not afraid, i just hate what have i become and miss the person i was long time ago. I feel i need to relieve my parents of burden cause i am one. Hurting them hard, my sister too, and it`s the only thing that keeping me geting up in the morning. I've stopped doing this world any real good and i need to set myself free, only thing i ever wanted is freedom, maybe i will pay that price. I could say much more, but it was really hard for me to write even this so...

    Wandering in darkness.
     
  2. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just wanted to say hi and welcome, and let you know I'm listening. Here if you feel like talking; I hope you'll keep posting here and reaching out for support. :hug:
     
  3. fade021

    fade021 New Member

    Thank you very much.
     
  4. NYJmpMaster

    NYJmpMaster Have a question? Message Me Staff Member Forum Owner ADMIN

    Welcome to SF. I am sorry for the circumstance that brought you here but hopefully having the chance to talk with other people with similar situations you can find a place to vent and get some useful tips on how to get back to a better place. When so many things happen at once it is hard for anybody - reaching out for help is a great start in trying to hind happiness again.
     
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