I feel like I've failed a lot of people..

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by Sadie~, Nov 11, 2011.

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  1. Sadie~

    Sadie~ Active Member

    ..which is why I'll never let any of my loved ones know how I REALLY feel. My therapist knows how I feel, and I joked with her during my last session that she probably knows me better than my parents.. even my partner. That's awful.

    I primarily starve, cut (thighs only, as i find it's easiest to hide) and burn myself, though I am not sure if drinking comes under self-harm too. My reasons for drinking ARE to ruin my guts, so for me I guess it's self-destruction.

    I find it so hard to get up in the morning. It's like a major achievement when I get out of bed. I love sleeping and I like to be in my dreams. I sometimes wish I could go to hospital and just be kept there with drugs being pumped into me and my blood being taken. I guess I don't want to get better, I'm rather enjoying this state, this pain.

    Yeah.
     
  2. Isabel

    Isabel Staff Alumni

    Hello Sadie,

    I understand where you are coming from. Sometimes it gets so hard to keep going on that escaping in sleep, fantasy and death ideation seems easier than face pain and the hard work to recovery. In all of this, I think there is something really positive that at least you acknowledge the truth for yourself and have your therapist you can be opened about it. Seems like a start. wish you well hun.
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Yes hun it is so much easier to run to try to escape our emotions but that will only keep us unwell it is work but in time with work you will be able to enjoy the present tense being in the here and now so to speak. Your t herapist can help you with that hugs
     
  4. Sadie~

    Sadie~ Active Member

    thanks
     
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