I feel like I've hit the end of the line

Discussion in 'I Have a Question...' started by Socrates, May 30, 2010.

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  1. Socrates

    Socrates Guest

    I'm a bit of a clusterfuck here, so bear with me.

    I'm no stranger to feeling suicidal, I've had depression since I was seven, and I've had multiple suicide attempts. I generally recognize that the feeling will pass, but I've been on a several day bender here, and I feel so alone. I've spent the past 5 years playing guitar day in and day out, and I'm sort of terrified of people. I'm terrified of being rejected and I really just want to be loved, so as a result, I don't have many friends. I'm not sure what to do, I feel very much like the world is just so fake, like if you looked out of the corner of your eyes you'd see a television knob. I've been on medications and I've been in therapy for ages, and I just can't bring myself to care anymore.
  2. Prinnctopher's Belt

    Prinnctopher's Belt Antiquities Friend SF Supporter

    I can relate. At least you are talented so you have something to offer. :hiya:
  3. untrue world

    untrue world Guest

    bear hug?... I scare my teddy bear

    I have been without contacts with real people also. People feel stranger, day after day more stranger. I am paranoid with them. I went trials which belongs to my studyings and it was like I was watching tv... One day we sitting at court room and quilty was run out, I starting to smile and I could not stop smiling, I had to put hands front of my mouth, I scared I start to giggling and laugh like a crazy, it was just like on tv-serie. Happily judge throwed joke and People start to laugh and I let my laugh out too. It was so untrue situation.
  4. Viro

    Viro Well-Known Member

    You know.. there are times that I feel the exact same way. That I'm living out a terribly clich├ęd script.
  5. I'm about ready to pull the trigger too. This dreadful pain I feel inside I can't talk to anyone close to me about except you guys. I keep waking up with thoughts of killing myself, just terrible destructive feelings. I saw a gravestone the other day, and had a pang of jealousy that it wasn't me - I must be going nuts or something. I'm in this hole called life already it's worse than death!

    Yesterday evening I experimented with (< --..) for about half a minute I thought if I do this a bit longer I'm gonna lose consciousness. How long can I keep myself going?
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