pretty much every day, night, and weekend, I sit at home, alone, because nobody really cares to talk to me or want to do anything. Sure I have some friends, but I have to jump through hoops to hang out with them, I have to be the first one to talk to them, theyre busy hanging out with their "real" friends for most of the week so they have to find a time when they can deal with me. These are people I wish I were good friends with, but they just dont seem to care. The problem is theyre really all I have, I have one really close online friend but he doesnt live anywhere near me. I never really ever feel like my friends are excited or happy to see me, Im just sort of "that guy" to everyone, but its not like this one group of people, everyone is like this to me, my self esteem is in the shits because of this. Ive been depressed for about 5-6 years, everyone keeps telling me that it gets better, but it never has. I want to have hope, I want to love life, but I cant. My will to keep live these days is very weak and falling fast.