I feel like people...

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by technoxteacups, Jul 10, 2008.

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  1. technoxteacups

    technoxteacups New Member

    would like me better if I were dead. I've screwed my mother's life up so much. She was in love with this really great guy, but I had a terrible attitude that drove him away. I just got dumped by my boyfriend of six months, and instead of feeling free and happy, I feel miserable, no matter how many times I tell myself I hate him. I have a friend, and he really has no time for me anymore.

    I fantasize more about my funeral than my wedding. I've deluded myself into thinking that if I were dead, people would care. Nothing excites me anymore, not even zombie stories, which used to bring me so much joy. I haven't slept properly in days, or even eaten, aside from a handful of chips. Then I freak out about my weight. I can't do anything right, and when I have to pass papers back to my classmates, I start shaking and don't make eye contact.

    And now I'm whining. It's just...I keep telling myself it could all be over in a second...just a few pills... because I'm that much of a chicken that I can't imagine hanging myself or slitting my throat. I know my family would be better off without me. I'm just wasting space. Can anyone help me with these feelings? I don't want to die, but it's becoming harder and harder to avoid.
  2. Blueberry

    Blueberry Active Member

    It's good that you're sharing and reaching out -- this is a good place to do that.

    It sounds like you're exhibiting classic signs of depression, which is a serious illness, but can be treated with medication, therapy, reaching out.

    You've been through some losses -- it's normal to feel sadness - the problem is when suicidal thoughts take over. Then it's time to get some help because these thoughts can and do go away.

    You don't have to suffer. There are options.
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    It is so difficult to forgive ourselves for the things we do, but now that you see how you influenced your mother's past relationship, all you can do is to ask her for forgiveness and to forgive yourself...big hugs, J
  4. Anime-Zodiac

    Anime-Zodiac Well-Known Member

    It's understandable that you feel this way, try your best to see through all that which distorts your perception on things. Those close to you would be very sad by your loss.
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