would like me better if I were dead. I've screwed my mother's life up so much. She was in love with this really great guy, but I had a terrible attitude that drove him away. I just got dumped by my boyfriend of six months, and instead of feeling free and happy, I feel miserable, no matter how many times I tell myself I hate him. I have a friend, and he really has no time for me anymore. I fantasize more about my funeral than my wedding. I've deluded myself into thinking that if I were dead, people would care. Nothing excites me anymore, not even zombie stories, which used to bring me so much joy. I haven't slept properly in days, or even eaten, aside from a handful of chips. Then I freak out about my weight. I can't do anything right, and when I have to pass papers back to my classmates, I start shaking and don't make eye contact. And now I'm whining. It's just...I keep telling myself it could all be over in a second...just a few pills... because I'm that much of a chicken that I can't imagine hanging myself or slitting my throat. I know my family would be better off without me. I'm just wasting space. Can anyone help me with these feelings? I don't want to die, but it's becoming harder and harder to avoid.