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I feel like shit, and things just got a lot worse.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Ellie Grey, Jun 6, 2013.

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  1. Ellie Grey

    Ellie Grey Well-Known Member

    I got home at around 1pm and my mother... well...
    She had cut the end of my tv, where the plug is.
    She had taken my PS3 and my netbook. I was so angry I walked out of the house. I know it seems like I'm spoilt, it's just the fact she's taken my things (which she had threatened to sell) and actually broken my things, which she didn't even buy.

    I came back 10 minutes later and that was when I saw the tv. I grabbed a stool and threw it at my door, then grabbed a really big book and threw it at my door.
    I left a huge hole in the door and I screamed as loud as I could "I fucking hate you"
    My mother came in, saying "If you don't stop vandalizing my house I'm calling the police"
    She saw my arm and started smiling, laughing. She said "You're cutting yourself again"

    I know it's so god damn stupid, I didn't even mean to say it, but I screamed at her "Yes, and I'm going to carry on doing it"
    She shrugged her shoulders and laughed, then said "So? It's not my problem anymore, get out"
    So I told her to fuck off. I'm never this disrespectul, I never vandalize things or swear at her. I do feel bad for how I acted.

    I took a bag and packed some clothing,
    And then I took < Mod Edit:*music*:Methods>. I don't even know why I took it, I just saw it on my table and took them before I even gave it thought.
    She told me to get out and give her my key. I refused and she just told me to give her the key. In the end I did and she made me leave the house, then slammed the door in my face.

    I called my uncle and told him I'd been kicked out, then hung up and walked into the woods. I was crying and screaming so loud I fell over and couldn't move.
    I stayed there in the dirt for half an hour, before calling a friend and my sister. My friend told me to go to hospital as soon as I could. My sister told me to get out of the woods in case I passed out.

    I managed to get onto the bus, now I'm at my uncles.
    The pills are hurting like fuck, my stomach hurts and I've had nothing to eat today. I don't know how long I'm going to be here for.

    And my life seems a great big mess right now, school are going to cause one hell of a lot of trouble, my mother is acting like she hates me.
    It's just getting so much worse.
  2. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Hi Ellie, I deleted the methods part of your post. It does seem you are going through a really rough time right now. I know you do not get on with your mum and judging by your post it seems she really does not understand and doesn't understand or maybe even care? that she is hurting you more. You say you are at your uncle's, do you get along with him. Are your problems something you could talk to him or your sister about you, thinking of you,Lynn x
  3. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    The first question, is are you safe? If you are not, go to a Social Services Department or the local hospital. My suggestions are dependent upon your age, so please PM me so we can discuss what is going on and what you can do from here. We all act in a way that does not seem like us when we are pushed too far, so please forgive yourself, and try to solve your immediate problems...and keep posting...we care about you
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