I feel like shit... I want to die... (Blackhole, fuck off!) *Language*

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Lost Disciple, Mar 3, 2007.

  1. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    ...So, I haven't posted in a while. I guess it's because I've got a friend who followed me onto the site and I'm afraid that anything I say and/or do is going to totally screw my life. That sucks.

    So anyway, for the rant. This is going to be posted without any exclamation points or other punctuation that would usually signal a rant. Instead of looking at how I wrote this, understand that at the moment I am trying as hard as I can to be calm, but in my mind I am screaming. So what is typed calmly is being screamed in my head.

    I can't take this fucking shit anymore. I've been away from here and things have just gone from bad to worse. The worst part is, I can't even specify because *she* is here and might catch it. I hate this. I didn't even understand, when I came here, what keeping it inside did to you, but now, after telling everything here, I understand what it's really doing to me. I've made choices that someone thinking straight wouldn't make. And it's only the fucking begining. I need fucking help but I can't find it anywhere, and I can't tell anyone. Not even here. *She*'s here. Argh. Help me. I can't be doing this stuff every day. I'd rather be cutting, but I'm not. And you know what, you told me not to go on here anymore that night I called you while I was cutting, at the same time as you told me not to cut anymore. Try to understand, cutting is an addiction. I can't just let it up so easy. And this site helps me cope. I can't believe you would try to take that away. Why are you trying to control my life? You're just fucking it up and making it worse. Thanks.


    Now add about five exclamation points behind every sentence, and you get the picture.


    I feel like shit now. I can't even handle it. And I can't talk about it. Fuck you Blackhole, I hope you die. And I hope I die too.
     
  2. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    :hug:
     
  3. ~CazzaAngel~

    ~CazzaAngel~ Staff Alumni

    :hug: :grouphug: awwwwww
     
  4. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    Sorry to burst your bubble, but a smiley with no words other than awww is viewed, in my personal opinion, as a waste of a post.


    Sorry, I'm just in a bad mood tonight--mum's boyfriend-thingee got really drunk and tried to beat on us, so I had to call 911. Yeah, so sorry
     
  5. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry I didn't write anything more helpful to you.

    The thing is that I was (and still am) in a total state myself. I shouldn't be alive right now. I read your post and I just wanted you to know that I cared, because I truly do. And I didn't want you to think that I'd just read it and thought 'so what?' and gone off somewhere else like people keep doing with my threads. So I posted a hug.

    I apologise.

    Next time I won't bother at all, alright?
     
  6. Lost Disciple

    Lost Disciple Well-Known Member

    Look, I'm sorry for being an ass, and I realized it at the time and apologized, but didn't feel like actually taking it off. I'm actually really glad that you guys read it and posted replies, even if it only was emoticons. Alright, there's nothing worse than a post that just sits there and gets ignored, we all know that.

    Summary: I'm really sorry, I was a jerk *again*, and I really am glad that you replied. Please don't ignore me, please? I'm really, really sorry. Really...
     
  7. ~Nobody~

    ~Nobody~ Well-Known Member

    Hey.

    Just wanted to say publicly that I'm not ignoring you :smile:.

    I didn't read this until just now, having read your PM (and replied to it, by the way).

    Apology accepted :hug:.

    x