I feel like suicide is the only thing I can control

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Blackbird33, Jan 10, 2013.

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  1. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    I've sought therapy, been on meds, tried going back to the gym, travel, etc. Still I'm in the same miserable place emotionally. The one thing I can't control my loneliness still exists in my life. I can't make a person like me and I definitely can't make anyone love me. I can't make someone become a friend or want to spend time with me or talk with me.

    But the one thing i can control is my death. I can wait and wait for things in my life to further deteriorate to the point that i completely self-destruct. Or I just wake-up one day realizing that I'm old, sick, and very alone. That's really what I'm destined for if I can continue to live and that's why I know for me suicide is the only way to save myself from total misery.
     
  2. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    I know this feeling.
    When life is spiralling out of control sometimes the only thing you feel in control of is being able to end it.
    However, if you think about it this shows you have control in other things.
    Sounds like you are trying too hard to get people to like you and that can be very off putting.
    How about finding something you like to do and joining a class, that way you can meet people, have something to talk about (shared interest) and do something you enjoy.
    Getting out there is the only way to meet people and making friends.
     
  3. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hi Blackbird. I have had similar feelings about loneliness and being alone. Terry is right that getting oneself out there is really the best way to meet people. Courses, volunteering, clubs, sports, interest groups are all possible places to meet others who will have an interest in things that interest you.

    In the meantime, keep posting here on SF - it can help to make us feel less isolated. Stay safe.
     
  4. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    Terry,

    You misunderstand me I gave up long ago at meeting people. The friends I did have all moved with their lives gotten married/kids. At work I come in sit down at my desk work and keep to myself. I know this is no way to make friends but my self-esteem is already gone and I know getting rejecting will only trigger my thoughts of suicide. So I'm just stuck in a vicious cycle that I can't break out of and this maybe what my life is meant to be walking this earth alone until I die.
     
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Well how about making some friends here first?
    Once you get back into having mates, even if they are only virtual; you might feel less afraid to go for friends in the world.
     
  6. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    If only it were that easy....
     
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