Cos I certainly feel like it. I'm sat here crying and in a real state. I absolutely loathe living with social phobia, it's ruined my life. I'm 32 now. I've always been shy and naturally wary at school but it seemed to get worse at school and because I wasn't an academic I'd go to extreme lengths to cover up. Eg: sit at the back of class keeping my head down. I've always felt very wary of people, teachers and other students, like a feeling of being unsafe with them all the time. I'd worry about having friends and do my best to please them, but not myself. I was basically terrified of being alone in a school, having no friends and being bullied. Through my whole school life I've sat in fear of all these things happening and not taking any risks at all. When I was 14yrs old I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease and became clinically depressed cos I just couldn't accept it. To this day now, I still suffer from depression everyday. Since the trauma of getting Crohn's my social anxiety hit the roof big time, it's been so extreme for years. I've never officially worked as my nerves with people have been so extreme. I quit college after a few months cos I was extremely anxious there and sweated buckets. Since around 19yrs old I've done a few, very part time computer courses and struggled in each and every one! The last 6 yrs I've just done a bit of dog walking and dog sitting jobs. I had to give up the dog sitting job tho cos I felt too anxious on my own in a different house. I just couldn't take the anxiety anymore. I'm very sensitive to my surroundings and only feel very relaxed being at home, with the family. Anyway back to people, I've had a few friends in my 20's who have come and gone but everytime I've been with them there's been anxiety. I seem to go into this set mode, just like getting into a car and knowing exactly how to drive. I can't stop these thoughts I'm thinking such as "I must'nt offend people or they won't like me," "I can't trust people," "I can't reveal the real me or they won't like me and dump me," "I feel unsafe with them, they aren't my family, they don't really care for me like them." I've recently had CBT therapy over the phone but my social phobia only improved a bit really. Well it certainly helped with my extreme men phobia. I'm especially more scared of men as I've witnessed boys at school be unkind to people and I've seen some male therapists that have been blunt and unkind. I was extremely phobic over wanting/dealing with getting a boyfriend. I'd be terrified all day for several days in a row, not being able to sleep or eat, being constantly worried. It's all so stupid I know! I was just terrified of being negatively judged and not wanting a fella to see just how bad my probs are. I've actually got a boyfriend now who I've been seeing the last 6 mths. It's been very difficult to trust him but I'm pleased I don't feel terrified with him anymore! What I mean is not being able to sleep/eat etc. The dreaded social anxiety is still there with him but to a more moderate extent, not severe. I still feel anxious with him and am scared of confiding in him and telling him how bad I feel etc. My b/f seems clueless to how I feel and how bad I get, I don't find him easy to talk to about my probs and he doesn't give much feedback. He is caring though and reliable and supportive but I just wish I was relaxed with him and could really enjoy our relationship. It's getting to the point where I want to finish with him cos Im getting too stressed out! I get so stressed with people/boyfriend that after meeting them I go home drained and very depressed. The last year has been very difficult for me exposing myself to men and has set off alot of anxiety attacks. I wish I wasn't like this and could trust and be safe with people. I can't stand it anymore! Suicide seems to be the only option to rid myself of all these fears.