At the moment it seems like so much is piling up on me, and I've been left to deal with it on my own because I can't talk to anyone. I guess it started in my third year of college, which was from 2009-2010. My dad suffered a stroke because of his smoking, and he vowed never to smoke again. But then he got me some credit for my mobile phone and handed me the receipt with the code on, forgetting that the cigarettes that he bought would also show up. I felt betrayed to be honest. I'd helped him with the patches and everything else the NHS gave to him free. I know quitting is not eays. I respect that but words can't describe how exactly I felt when I saw he'd been smoking. Then when he lit up for the first time since quitting in front of us it hurt. I don't want him to die of another stroke. I was dealing with all that through the college year, and only one of my friends truly understood. My other so-called "friend" started making jokes that year about people who have strokes when their face goes numb etc. I could have hit her. Not long after an ex boyfriend got back in touch. I was stupid and decided to give it another go. That's when he told me that the police were after him for assaulting someone with a hammer. I got another boyfriend kind of on the re-bound, and he sexually assaulted me. I told my brothers fiance and my brother (Both in Scotland) but since they were so far away there was only so much they could do. My mum and dad didn't seem to understand, and since the only thing I see of my mum is the back of her head because she's on her computer so much I can't talk to her. This last year things have snowballed so much I guess. I've been doing a Foundation Degree in University and have met some really awesome people, but I can't talk about any of the above with them because I don't feel comfortable. The last year has stressed the hell out of me, because it feels like I've been going it alone. Whenever I told my mum I was struggling I barely got a reply, and it's the same with my dad. I was looking forward to 2 weeks away in Africa, but the whole trip turned out to be a scam from a member of staff in college who resigned, so that never happened. As well as that I have a health concern, but I can't talk to my mum and dad about it. They don't believe me when I say I'm in pain. When it got to the end of our first year at Uni I took the opportunity to go out with a group of friends which I don't do. I ended up downing more alcohol than I ever have just in the hope it would help. Now, I'm still bottling things up from a couple of years ago as well as everything else, and I've got £240 to pay by the end of this month. £240 which I don't have. My mum has accused me of wasting my student finance....I don't call buying clothes, a car, driving lessons, insurance, road tax, vet bills for both dogs and presents for my brother and his fiance wasting. She won't even help me out. I need to pay £120 by next week or I won't be going back to Uni. Right now I'm starting to wonder what the point of Uni is. When I finished my exams last year my brother was the only person who congratulated me. All I want now is to move out. Just me and my dog. I'll be happy then, but with no job and no money it's impossible. I'm just stressed out of my mind and I can't help thinking that there has to be an easy way to deal with this. I just need some advice, because I really don't want to go through a total breakdown. When you feel like you're on the edge of self-destruction how do you get yourself out of it?