When I was a child, my 21-Year-old cousin took advantage of me, and of course, raped me. I was only 6 at the time, and the pain will never really go away. But here I am, years later, thinking to myself about how I want to attack the world of Sex when the time comes. After what happened with him, I am very distrustful of men and I almost refuse to get close to them at fear of being used again, but as time went on, finding a female who wasn't going to call me "Weird" or "Disgusting" for asking them out was... impossible. So I gave up. I got a boyfriend who I'd known for 2 years prior, and called him mine. He's a Shy Swedish guy with mental issues no greater than mine. But here's the issue. After that incident when I was a child... I think that sex should be aggressive. That I should be abused and yelled at. I should be tied down and forced into it. That's what he told me it should be, and as a child it burned into my head. What should I do? ... What should I think...? It still bugs me to be around him at family meetings, because he always looks at me with those hungry eyes. He offered to give me oral last time I saw him... It's starting to really bother me. I don't want to go to the police about it... as that would cause more drama than it's worth... What... What do I do?