Hello all, I often hear people say in documentaries or movies "It wasn't my time yet". I now feel the exact opposite of that. I don't really see the point in going on, because I'm a loser trapped in a glass jar. Wherever I go, I see people enjoying life to the fullest - laughing, holding hands, kissing, planning for the future, and the only way I can react to seeing all that is to think of the wine bottle in my fridge and my sleeping pills and anxiety meds, and I can't wait to get back home where I don't hear or see those normal people anymore. Worst of all, the holiday season is coming. People are going to be with other people - families, friends, girlfriends, wives, kids. I'm gonna get to spend it with the demon inside me. I'm really not looking forward to that. In fact, I don't think I can survive another holiday season like that. I've already survived 12 such seasons, the last one (2011) being the worst of them all. I alternated between binge eating and starving myself, and nothing worked. I got all my fingers tattooed, yesterday, one Latin word on each. In English, they mean: peace, truth, freedom, relief, rest, God, fairness, resolve, victory, and salvation. Should I wait till the holiday season comes, or should I just escape now ? What do y'all think ?