I feel needy. Always have.

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by doesntmatter, Nov 11, 2010.

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  1. doesntmatter

    doesntmatter Member

    I cut. Any of my friends that I confide in are driven away because I latch onto them for help, even though I'm too stubborn to want help anyway. I feel so powerless. No matter how many friends I lose by sheer exasperation and being clingy, I continue to lose friends. Therefore, logically, the only way to stop the cycle is to not let anyone close. The reason I cut is because I deserve it. I've done terrible things and need to be punished. I've caused at least four people to cut themselves; thus justice demands that I cut. I'm not sure why I'm telling this to any of you reading this, but I stumbled on this forum and it's really been helping me just to read threads pertaining to cutting. Guess I thought I'd share. Hoping someone cares. Don't feel obliged to; I hate guilting people into liking me.
     
  2. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    hi doesntmatter and welcome to sf
    theres nothing wrong with latching onto peopoe in the hope theyll listen to you,but unfortunatly humanity is only intrested in itself at the moment
    you have to stop punishing yourself though because it will take over your life if you let it
    i dont think there is a single reason to cut,personly whether im sad or rarely happy i cut and theres no reason except tyo check im alive i guess
    youve found a good place here and many will beable to compare with you and care about you youre not guilting anyone ok
     
  3. doesntmatter

    doesntmatter Member

    Thanks, I feel like I'm just some idiot whose parents never paid enough attention to him. I've got a very strong sense of justice, imbued by reading comic books for most of my life. So, when I hurt people, I feel like I need to be hurt. And then it just feels right, so I keep doing it.
     
  4. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    its good to have that strong sense of justice but dont use it as a stick to beat yourself down,
    use it as a guide to show what a true honest person you can be,stop hurting people and become the good person you read about.
    and then once youve become that person you wont feel guilt or the need to punish yourself.
    easier said than done if your parents havnt shown you the way but perhaps you can show them the way?
     
  5. doesntmatter

    doesntmatter Member

    This is a tad unrelated, but is putting yourself into dangerous situations considered self inflicted pain?
     
  6. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    yes theres all differant forms of self harm some you see and some you cant!
    what sort of dangerous situation are you in D?
     
  7. doesntmatter

    doesntmatter Member

    Nothing major. No abuse or anything. I've got it good compared to a lot of people. I just tend to not deal with stress or sadness well, so I cut and shut people out.
     
  8. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    ok but i see shutting people out as a form of self harm too
    theres nothing wrong with opening up and letting people in but you gotta choose who you let in,have youe seen a doctor or someone about how you feel?
     
  9. doesntmatter

    doesntmatter Member

    I used to go to therapy. I didn't like it. Any time I let people in, they hurt me, or more commonly I hurt them. I've lost enough friends. If I don't let anyone close, I can't hurt them. It's better that way.
     
  10. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    i understand you dont want to hurt anyone else but people coime and go its a fact of life,and people will hurt people,but sooner or later you have to let someone in otherwise it will take over your life,and you dont want that
    thats why i come here to let things out
     
  11. doesntmatter

    doesntmatter Member

    Yeah, I just feel like if I wasn't around, they'd be better off. I just gripe to my good friends anyway. I use them as therapists, like a selfish prick.
     
  12. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    nope bad option if your not around you cant be the good person you want to be!
    and freinds are supposed to be there for you like you are them nothing selfish there but sometimes its better to talk to people from outside the normal circle someone who you can tell everything and they wont judge you because opnce you talk about things it gets easier the next time and so on
     
  13. doesntmatter

    doesntmatter Member

    Yeah, I feel like this forum is going to help because I can talk about whatever here without having to worry about my friends getting fed up with me.
     
  14. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    yeah it can be a good place to put things out thier and everyone has thier own feelings on things and because of being worldwide you see some good stuff that helps and theres always someone here
    whereabouts in the world are you ,im in england
     
  15. doesntmatter

    doesntmatter Member

    I'm in America. Specifically New York State (not the city, I've never been there).
     
  16. hollowvoice

    hollowvoice Senior Member & Antiquities Friend

    america thats great theres some really great american people on here to connect with
     
  17. assek

    assek Well-Known Member

    hi nice to meet you. wow, you sound like me ! you've just basically described myself. pm me anytime *hugs*
     
  18. niceguy

    niceguy Active Member

    many people on this forum have experienced this. so you just might find un-conditional, judgement free listeners here. try and open up to us. we need each other after all. cheers.
     
  19. tigers4343

    tigers4343 Member

    Hi doesn't

    I struggle with the same thing as you- the fear of not wanting to get hurt by letting people in. I know in reality we all have this fear but to some of us it literally inhibits us from making new friends or even trying to make friends. I know exactly what you mean. I have lost friends because I wouldn't let them get close to the real me because I was afraid they would leave- and yep they did. In fact 2 months ago I lost my closest friend due to my substance abuse issues.

    I also self harm- mostly because I deserve to be hurt. It is a hard thing for others to even begin to understand so I don't share it with very many people. I am glad you are at least talking a little bit about it on the board- talking is better than keeping it all to yourself.

    The one thing I would encourage is maybe to give therapy a try again. I only say that because I am in a similar situation as yours, and have found a great therapist ( after a few tries) that I am willing to be open and honest with. Do I feel needy- heck yea but thankfully this therapist deals with that. I'm not saying it is easy, its taken me 4 years to get to the point where I can say i 100% trust him- but it does help. I know its a risk to try- but if you can find a therapist to discuss the issues and work through then maybe eventually it will help carry over to real life where you can open up just a little bit at a time

    Keep posting and let us know how you are doing- I hope you find something that works a little for you
     
  20. doesntmatter

    doesntmatter Member

    I went back to cutting yesterday. Whipped myself with a belt a few times too. I just don't see the point to anything anymore. I want it to be over.
     
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