I recently started the princes trust programme because my therapist said it would help it’s supposed to help people kind of move forward in their life. But being the way I am I don’t see a way forward it just seems so trivial I feel nothing for it. Went a way for a week on residential with the princes trust we did things like a ropes course, absailing, kayaking, and surfing. These are things people are supposed to enjoy in life and I just felt numb and bored to them. It feels like I have no spark no soul I just don’t know what to do anymore. I mean I am somewhat quiet but I do talk and get along with the people ok. Today we were talking about a 2-week work placement most of the people came up with ideas on what they wanted to do but again I just felt nothing for it and have no interests. To have something that you do over and over again everyday makes me feel worse it’s just so mundane. I need a meaning a purpose to life not to just live because we think we have to. How can you justify an existence that is without meaning or purpose? You simply can’t. I just wish I could physically talk to someone who understood it. What’s the point … Fuck it.