I feel numb

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by OnlyAMisfit, May 28, 2013.

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  1. OnlyAMisfit

    OnlyAMisfit Member

    This is my first time posting and I don't really know how to start, but here goes.

    I have been suicidal for about 4 years now. i tried to commit suicide a couple of months ago, but obviously failed. What gets to me most is that my family loves me, and I do have good friends but i still feel lonely. I hate myself for feeling suicidal when I have a supporting family and friends. I can't stand myself, I feel like a fucking crybaby and I can't stand to look myself in the mirror. how can i feel this way when my life isn't bad or horrible in any way, other than in my head?
    2 years ago and up until a couple weeks ago the only things I felt was sadness and hatred, but lately I don't feel anything, I just feel numb.
    I always disappoint myself, and even though my dad doesn't act as though he is disappointed I can't stop feeling like I keep disappointing him over and over again.
    I'm not sure why I joined this forum, I guess I just need someone to talk to...

  2. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    Hi there. Welcome to SF. There will be a number of people here who will talk to you - both via the forum and the chatroom, although patience is advised where both are concerned.

    No-one's problems are insignificant. There can be a way forward, and you may find there are some here in similar boats who understand completely, but are able to shed more light towards helping you.

    Hope you find the support you're looking for

  3. OnlyAMisfit

    OnlyAMisfit Member

  4. lelantgirl

    lelantgirl Well-Known Member

    Matt, welcome here. Maybe you could share a little as to WHY you are suicidal and hating yourself, then we will have a little more to go on to specifically try and help you.
    I will try and help you, but its difficult if dont know why someone is so suicidal, down. Does that make sense? Look forward to hearing abit more and helping you. Take care.
  5. OnlyAMisfit

    OnlyAMisfit Member

    yeah I guess I didn't really point out why I'm suicidal. the fact is I'm not quite sure... i think it's mostly that i feel extremely lonely, and I have always been really shy so that doesn't really help. the loneliness makes waken up every day harder and harder. and at least one of the things that makes me hate myself, is that i feel like every god damn choice i make, makes my father disappointed (he doesn't say it but i'm sure he is) I feel like I'm just a waste of space, no one needs me, depends on me. I consume, but produce nothing. And even though I would love to find a girl and make her and myself happy, I'm to freaking shy to make a move on anybody. I'm just that nice guy you can talk to when you have problems with one of the fucking douchebags that every girl seems to fall in love with. I have even tried to be like them but I just can't.... I have no reason to exist
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