I feel pain

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Bleeding, Aug 23, 2014.

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  1. Bleeding

    Bleeding New Member

    All I feel is pain
    I am a gay guy from egypt i am 19 years old ... i attempted suicide before and i had to come out to my mom and that's what i did then she took me to doctors to treat me and she said that i won't have a gay son and u will be straight
    and i lied to my doctor and my mother and i told them i am fine
    i lived as a gay in secret i got 2 boyfriends one of them made a deal with his bestfriend that he would convince me to have sex with his bestfriend ,,, and this is the easy part lots of things happened and we broke up then the next one he wanted to be close to me close enough to have sex with me and that's what happened then he changed and wanted to be just a friend and eventually i blocked him and he became a friend of my ex and they are having sex .. and talk about me all the time say bad things ...
    4 months ago one of my friends that i met on the internet said that he needs me he is sad he needs someone to be with him and i went his apartment and he raped me he was threading me with a knife ... lots of things happened and i can't stand it anymore ... i want to live like other gays but there is no way to live like that here and there is no way to go away from here except for going to the next life so i am thinking of committing suicide again
    i am not writing this to let u help me i am just showing u that there are other gays suffering around the world ...
    and p:s something bothered me that when i needed suicide hot lines they were Avilable in us only or uk only not international they have to help others around the world :/
  2. Unknown_111

    Unknown_111 Forum Buddy Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    Welcome to the forum. Yes, I understand the situation where you cannot live life in your culture where there is such stigma attached with your sexuality. I'm so sorry that you had an harrowing experience which you cannot report to the authorities. Remember you are not blame for what happened to you. You need to keep away from that person totally and remain calm. Yes, your parents cannot accept your sexuality but that's down to the culture you live in.

    Life is hard but you can survive by living one day at a time. Remember people might judge you because of your sexuality but you should not worry as people will always judge others except themselves. You should focus on getting over your bad experience first. Perhaps you should think about moving to somewhere you are accepted.

    I am sorry if you think I am being horrible but I am not. I admire the courage you show in posting here and the difficult life you live on a day to day basis. You are in no way being judged here at all. I encourage you to keep posting here for the support you require.
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2014
  3. W Miller

    W Miller Well-Known Member

    My heart pains for you. Sorry to come off insensitive, I know you are only 19, and hurting right now. I was 21 when I came out. My mom didn't accept me right away either. However, now we can talk about everything. She had to get over it! If she didn't want a gay son, I don't want a bigot mother! Sometimes, you need to be the parent.

    I'm sorry about your abuse, I was abused as well. It is what it is. You survived, worse for the ware, and will eventually come to terms with the rape. The jerk will pay. "Do What You Want With My Body" - Lady Gaga

    I know this is late to the game, and you only have 1 posting. Please come back here, and talk to us, I'll be here for you. I love you. God loves you. Love yourself, and don't allow yourself to keep the abuse going, by turning this into self hate.

    Take care, and love yourself, beautiful one.
  4. sudut

    sudut Well-Known Member

    please don't consider this as an option again. there must be a reason why you survived on the first attempt.
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