I feel physical pain from depression

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Doubletap, Jan 18, 2010.

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  1. Doubletap

    Doubletap Member

    Sorry if this is too long. The pain is getting worse.

    It's in my stomach and chest. I've been crying myself to sleep every night the last couple of days. The best part of my day is the end of it so I don't feel so bored and lonely.

    The only joy I get out of life is from a game. I play World of Warcraft. I know I'm a nerd but I love being one. I'm in a relationship but have been talking to someone who runs the guild in game and felt an attraction. I couldn't help but feel a bit attached, he'd call me beautiful and make me feel wanted. My bf does the same, but after so long (7 1/2 years) it almost feels like he has to say it. Attracting other people has been a dangerous "high" for me. I haven't cheated on him, but came close several times. It's almost as if I have to get hit on to be happy as wierd as that sounds. That makes me a horrible person. I feel like a tease because that's what I am, and I get even more depressed and feel bad about my body if I don't get attention after a while.

    I've noticed this guild master hitting on other girls in the guild, I mean pretty badly, and I literally feel pain. I shouldn't. I have a bf, and can't feel this way. I've tried to ignore it the past couple of days, but I honestly felt we had something. I couldn't have been more wrong. Turns out all he's interested in is casual sex with different people and I find that I can't do that. I have to feel connected to that person and that they care for me. I'm living in a fantasy world and I'm realizing what life is for me right now. I compare myself to this other girl he's attracted to and feel I have nothing. I'm feeling an eating problem coming on where I hate my body so much I obsess over my weight.
     
  2. Stranger1

    Stranger1 Forum Buddy & Antiquities Friend

    Hey Doubletap,
    Have you confronted him about this other girl?? Let him know when you are in a relationship you should respect each other and be truthfull..If he's going to be cheating then you need to dump him.. You said you have other guys hitting on you so you must be good looking..Feel them out and see if you don't get some positive vibes from any of them..You don't have to sleep with them.. Just go out for dinner and a nice walk and talk..Thats just my opinion you can take it or leave it but I wouldn't put up with the cheating..
     
  3. Kupernikus

    Kupernikus Member

    doubletap.... same here, playing WoW again and its probably the only distraction from everything I feel at the moment, and that is when I feel like playing. Unlike you, I so wish that I could find someone to play and talk with in-game... but anyways, that's what depression is all about... it really does hurt physically and it really affects you physically.

    Everyone thinks the virtual worlds are just that... in reality they are not. I have been a GM several times, and try as I might to avoid the drama and keep everyone happy, it's just as bad, if not worse, than real life at times. I have been along the same path as you, got played real bad by a woman in-game - she played three of us at the same time... so sadly there are many trolls out there in WoW.. I've seen them on both sides, male and female. It's unfortunate when the game causes more drama than RL....

    All I can say is just hang in there and enjoy the game for what it is.. a relief from our daily lives. And, if you would like to meet in-game, that would be cool as well... feel free to shoot me an email anytime.....
     
  4. Kupernikus

    Kupernikus Member

    Oh and, by the way, playing WoW doesn't make you a nerd! Not that that's a bad thing!
     
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