i feel ready

i feel ready to give up the fight...had a weird day...rang community mental health guy and told him i had enough,,cant deal with flipping emotions... blood trickling down arm is cool...makes me feel alive yet i want to be dead...i am too tired to carry on fighting...maybe its time to say goodbye,,spoke to my mum and said goodbye as best i could without stressing her...i know i will never see her again...i am done with fighting...thank you ..

 

so your mother must still care about you. I know nothing of you, but the fact that we're both here must mean that i can empathize with you. Call her again, and this time, stress her out. Let her know what's going on with you. She would much rather know and have a chance to talk to you, than find out after it's too late that you were trying to not "stress her out". Cry to your mother one more time, let her be there for you, and then see how you feel.

 

Ice please no you tried so hard yesterday to stop me and you seamed so happy to find out I failed and got some help please don't it hurts a lot so very very much please get some help phone an ambulance or something you should not do this.

 

You? The person who's been persevering to help all these people on the board that need people like you?

Just what is going on? What, exactly, is making you want to kill yourself?

 

feel a little more stable this morning, waiting for community mental health guy to come see me, as i said on another post...i hate it when the demons come without warning and you feel like you are drowning. sorry for getting in a state was so unexpected and sudden..have been numb and detached for so long that i think it was a shock when i suddenly got hit by a wave of emotion and feelings. tsk need to clean up arm before he gets here

thanks for all your kind words... :grouphug:

 

I'm glad you feel at least a little more stable. It's true, with a lot of illnesses our moods can change very rapidly without warning.

Take it easy.

 

had big chat with my m health worker and he explained that yesterday was probably result of the exposure work i have been doing, as i have been detached and surpressing for so long the emotions found a little way out and suddenly flooded me and that it will prob happen again and is normal (jeez...look forward to that!) seeing psych tomorrow and will discuss with him. tired now but slowly feeling more detached which will give me a little peace i hope.
thank you all. :unsure: :hug: