I feel ridiculous for STILL being upset when it is made clear to me quite how little I am worth. I feel ridiculous that I have not come to terms with this yet. I feel ridiculous for the tiny grain of hope that tells me if I work hard enough and please enough people and really genuinely put everything I have into something - that someone will consider me valuable. I am not valuable. Something is only "worth" what someone else will give for it. Give for it, pay for it, sacrifice for it - in effort or time or money or whatever. Your skills are only worth what someone will pay for them. Your company is only worth the time that someone will give up to be with you. It isn't a complicated concept. And all the rest of the "you are worth more" is hypothetical crap based on some idyllic bullshit that means nothing in the real world. What you SHOULD be worth is meaningless - you wouldn't just put a lump of carbon in front of someone and say but it SHOULD be worth more than that diamond you have there because all carbon COULD be a diamond under the right conditions and people SHOULD value all carbon equally. Its not a diamond. Its a lump of rock. Saying what it could be or should be or might be or that it should not have to change to be valuable is pointless and claiming that someone out there will someday understand that it is as valuable as a diamond is just a ridiculous lie that isn't fooling anyone. And I feel like I work really hard to increase my value as a person - the effort I put in at work is far far higher than other people - but other people are more valuable "as a package" (in the words of my boss) even if their work product is less and their skill set lower. I understand that as a friend or as a romantic partner my value is far less than average and I work really hard at compensating for that too - in the hopes that financial fringe benefits or being particularly accommodating or not complaining, whatever happens, or free taxi services or... whatever else I can think of, will raise my value enough for people to keep me around. Because without those things I basically bring nothing of worth to the table. I feel worthless - and I feel ridiculous for still being upset about it after knowing it for all this time.