I feel ridiculous and I feel worthless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Freya, Mar 27, 2015.

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  1. Freya

    Freya Loves SF Staff Member ADMIN

    I feel ridiculous for STILL being upset when it is made clear to me quite how little I am worth. I feel ridiculous that I have not come to terms with this yet. I feel ridiculous for the tiny grain of hope that tells me if I work hard enough and please enough people and really genuinely put everything I have into something - that someone will consider me valuable.

    I am not valuable.

    Something is only "worth" what someone else will give for it. Give for it, pay for it, sacrifice for it - in effort or time or money or whatever. Your skills are only worth what someone will pay for them. Your company is only worth the time that someone will give up to be with you. It isn't a complicated concept. And all the rest of the "you are worth more" is hypothetical crap based on some idyllic bullshit that means nothing in the real world. What you SHOULD be worth is meaningless - you wouldn't just put a lump of carbon in front of someone and say but it SHOULD be worth more than that diamond you have there because all carbon COULD be a diamond under the right conditions and people SHOULD value all carbon equally.

    Its not a diamond. Its a lump of rock. Saying what it could be or should be or might be or that it should not have to change to be valuable is pointless and claiming that someone out there will someday understand that it is as valuable as a diamond is just a ridiculous lie that isn't fooling anyone.

    And I feel like I work really hard to increase my value as a person - the effort I put in at work is far far higher than other people - but other people are more valuable "as a package" (in the words of my boss) even if their work product is less and their skill set lower. I understand that as a friend or as a romantic partner my value is far less than average and I work really hard at compensating for that too - in the hopes that financial fringe benefits or being particularly accommodating or not complaining, whatever happens, or free taxi services or... whatever else I can think of, will raise my value enough for people to keep me around. Because without those things I basically bring nothing of worth to the table.

    I feel worthless - and I feel ridiculous for still being upset about it after knowing it for all this time.
     
  2. Vaughan

    Vaughan Well-Known Member

    Sorry to hear you're feeling worthless.

    I know it can sometimes seem that way. At the same time, it might be worth considering that we all get to set our own value system. So, for example, diamonds and gold. Worth a lot, right? Yet I don't own a single diamond, or piece of gold. Not even a wedding ring. I don't value diamonds and gold at all. They mean nothing to me.

    Whereas - today I played an old album I have called "Pin Ups" by David Bowie. I love that record, the music is full of value for me, it makes me feel good, my foot taps, and I even sing along. And you know, you can buy that CD for less than $5.

    In other words, I think it might help not to mix various value systems together. The value of a friend can't be quantified in money terms. The amount of money I have doesn't make me a better person. The lack of money doesn't make me worse.

    The trouble with work situations is that you don't choose the people you're surrounded by. You can only do that by changing jobs, and you have no idea who the next set of people may be.

    Instead you need to find value within yourself. You matter in your actions, and because you say you do. I hope you feel better soon.
     
  3. ramicule

    ramicule Member

    I am worse than worthless. I cause additional pain to those who know me. A lot of pain( and actual money) would be spared if I disappeared.
     
  4. SillyOldBear

    SillyOldBear Teddy Bear Fanatic Staff Member Safety & Support

    This is so easy to say and so HARD to do. I hope I am not being hypocritical for saying it, because I certainly fail in this area. But I think we rely entirely too much on other people's opinions to determine our value. It is impossible to please everyone, to make everyone think we are worth something. What is important is what WE think of ourselves, not what OTHERS think of us. Yeah, I know. Most of the time I think I am shit. But I believe I have to find a way within myself to overcome this. I can't rely on other people's opinions to make me feel valuable. Even if all the people in the world thought I was the best thing on earth, it would still be possible to believe I am shit. Somehow I (we) need to learn to believe in ourselves, to recognize our own value, regardless of what others think of us. And we all do have value. Of course, if I had mastered this, I would not be on this website.
     
  5. Terry

    Terry Antiquities Friend Staff Alumni

    Girls :arms: I'm an old fart and one thing I've learnt in life is that you can not please all of the people all of the time.
    Also, unless you value yourself, people will not value you.
    I don't know why this is true, but it is; the more you do, the more you bend, the less you are thought of .
    Be kind to yourself.
    List all the things you like about yourself and the ways you would like to be treated.
    Treat other people that way, but don't be a doormat.
    I was a doormat for years and was thought nothing of for it.
     
  6. DrownedFishOnFire

    DrownedFishOnFire Quieta non movere

    Ive learned when it comes to work its always politics. Always. If youre on your boss good list youre golden. If youre on your bosses bad side....forget it!
     
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