I feel selfish, needing to vent

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Cupcake, May 7, 2012.

  1. Cupcake

    Cupcake Member

    I'm not making a good impression here- 2 of 3 posts are negative. I'll try to post some more upbeat stuff tomorrow.

    Right now, I've got to get this off my chest. I'm sorry if it makes me seem awful.
    I'm having a really hard time being truly happy for everyone around me. It seems like everyone I know is having amazing luck, getting things they've always wanted. I'm here on the sidelines with my shitty life, watching. One friend is going to NYC for the weekend to meet a bunch of mutual friends for the first time. (we both are on the same online group) I can't afford the trip. Others have great jobs, taking trips, or just able to do things like go shopping.
    I went thrift store shopping with a friend yesterday. I bought a coffee mug for me and two books for the bf, it took every dime I had. She had a cartful, including furniture. I'm not a hoarder or a shopper by any means. I'd just like to be able to buy a bloody coffee mug without having to justify it or use my last dollar. (Its a mug from Wicked-I'm a Broadway nerd, not a coffee fan)

    I'm just sick to death of facebook updates and the like, showing off perfect lives and achievements. My achievements these days involve wearing clean clothes and going out of the house. Theirs are trips and college degrees.

    Bleargh.
     
  2. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    The coffee mug hun i am glad you bought it for YOU It is hard when money is not available but i hope you are able to get out with your friend again Sometimes hun it is small rewards that mean t he most to us hugs
     
  3. Incurious

    Incurious Well-Known Member

    Wearing clean clothes and leaving the house are huge achievements. It's all relative to where everyone is in their self.

    I relate to a lot of what you said though.
     
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    Mugs can be used for Tea too you know, or juice... or on occasion cold water just to mess with people :p OOOO or hot water that always is good for a laugh to have people take a sip and look at me funny. >_< Anyway, I know how rough it can be to watch others effortlessly get what you cannot.

    I wish I could say more but I really can't... :/ I would be one of those people who annoys you... with my college degree and lack of friends. Sometimes it is nice to know that people think of you though. If I ever see a family member I get a review of what happened in their life for whatever period of time has passed. Often times I am not told anything otherwise.

    I always ask what is stopping you from living the life you want?
     
  5. Perhapsa3

    Perhapsa3 Well-Known Member

    This is the place to vent, to divulge every little detail of every negative thought or action you're feeling or experiencing. We're listening. I know somewhat how you feel. My sister and I were in the same BSN program in college and my grades dropped due to family concerns and she now has her degree and job and I'm on the sidelines watching my friends and family progress while I sit here eating salad (I too am addicted to fiber :dry::smile-new:). Did you go to college? You sound like you did.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 7, 2012
  6. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @Perhapsa3:Must.. resist... pooping... joke.... >_<
     
  7. Perhapsa3

    Perhapsa3 Well-Known Member

    @fm:Humanity
     
  8. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    o.o.. now I am confused... I was talking about the addicted to fiber part...
     
  9. Cupcake

    Cupcake Member

    @Perhaps3- no, I never finished my degree. I had a lot of family stuff going on, and had to drop out. But I'm constantly reading and teaching myself new stuff. I'm the queen of nearly-useless knowledge.

    I'm really just sick to death of struggling on all fronts, while all around me others have better things, better lives. Right now, my roommate has a mutual friend over. Friend has a great job, is constantly going to music festivals, going to Europe this summer. Did I mention that I wasn't invited to hang out with them till friend had been here an hour? (we have thin walls, she has a loud voice) I hate to be Pammy Paranoia, but... Is there a reason suddenly I don't feel welcome with them? I hope it's just me, and not that I'm making them uncomfortable. Since I've gotten worse and gone back to therapy, I think they feel uncomfortable and a bit spooked.
     
  10. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @Cupcake: Well let me ask you this. Are you upset that you are not getting to go to these festivals or are you upset that you are not being invited? I make it a point to not invite people to my activities, personally. My invitation is to tell them I am doing whatever.

    Your therapy and income class can also affect this kind of stuff. I mean people do feel bad when they toss around money that you do not have. Therapy can also make people awkward because... well therapy still carries the stigma of being for crazy people and losers. I mean you talk about these music festivals.. but... can you REALLY afford to go to them? My roommate makes a third of what I earn in a year. He wants to travel to all sorts of out of state anime conventions. He of course cannot drive. I think I am going to have to do some math for him to explain how he cannot afford it. Because I cannot really afford it and I make money. So maybe it is out of consideration for your wallet as well. I always feel guilty at anime conventions when I buy tons of DVDs and patches and stuff and have a really awesome costume because I can afford it. Where my roommate has to choose between one DVD set and eating.

    Can I ask what are you doing to make your life better? You dropped out of college, why not go back? If you cannot afford it why not go to a technical school and get really good grades? Not that I am one to talk really, but still these are questions you need to ask yourself.
     
  11. kristy1970

    kristy1970 Active Member

    hmmm... i can so relate... currently I am very blessed and do post good things on FB, but it's for my family & friends whom I am close to... I like to read about other's successes in life most of the time, but if I'm down, I just don't read anything until I'm in a better mood... back in the day as a single mom... the last few days of the month we ate eggs or mac & cheese and Peanut butter & jelly sandwiches... try explaining to a 4 & 10 yr old that they can't go on a field trip or to McDonalds like the rest of the kids... it's hard, depressing and made me feel like a failure, but I did what I had to do... they had a nice house and went to a nice school.. we wore old clothes but they were always clean... I had money in savings, but couldn't use it.. b/c what if something happened... car breaking down... kids getting sick... anyway... I think we all at one time or another have been where you are... hugs and keep trucking along :agreed: