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I feel so alone and useless

#1
My name is Samara, and I’m currently 20 years old. I want to share my story because lately I feel like a total fuck up, and I wish I would just drop dead.
I struggled with depression for awhile, but this year really fucked me up. I feel like I really have no one to talk to. This year, my best friend snitched on me to her parents, who are very strict, about me drinking and smoking. Her dad told her to drop me, and she did. She even insinuated that I’m not even worth fighting for. When I was going through my breakup, she told me she didn’t wanna deal with my shit. There’s more to the story that makes it even more fucked but it’s a long story. My ex ghosted me. I also got pregnant by someone who just couldn’t take no for an answer. Most recently, however, I was sexually assaulted by this guy I met at a party. I was found naked and unconscious by my friends, and I had to get a rape kit done the next day. What really broke me is a notice I got from my landlord about complaints received about me and my cousin. They wrote ppl complained about our smoking and partying. I take responsibility but I never got a complaint before but recently I have thrown parties that were louder than intended. My cousin hates me cuz she blames me for these parties. I used to live in a diff apartment but my parents canceled the rent without our permission cuz they found out I had sex. I don’t care if I drop dead anymore. I don’t care if I die. I just want it to be over. I want it to go away. I just want to never wake up
 

KM76710

KM stands for Kangaroo Manager
SF Supporter
#2
Hello and welcome, I hope that you stick around and perhaps to get know some of the others here and not feel quite as bad. Many of us feel the same about ourselves.
 

Lady Wolfshead

"Don't fear mistakes. There are none." Miles Davis
#3
My name is Samara, and I’m currently 20 years old. I want to share my story because lately I feel like a total fuck up, and I wish I would just drop dead.
I struggled with depression for awhile, but this year really fucked me up. I feel like I really have no one to talk to. This year, my best friend snitched on me to her parents, who are very strict, about me drinking and smoking. Her dad told her to drop me, and she did. She even insinuated that I’m not even worth fighting for. When I was going through my breakup, she told me she didn’t wanna deal with my shit. There’s more to the story that makes it even more fucked but it’s a long story. My ex ghosted me. I also got pregnant by someone who just couldn’t take no for an answer. Most recently, however, I was sexually assaulted by this guy I met at a party. I was found naked and unconscious by my friends, and I had to get a rape kit done the next day. What really broke me is a notice I got from my landlord about complaints received about me and my cousin. They wrote ppl complained about our smoking and partying. I take responsibility but I never got a complaint before but recently I have thrown parties that were louder than intended. My cousin hates me cuz she blames me for these parties. I used to live in a diff apartment but my parents canceled the rent without our permission cuz they found out I had sex. I don’t care if I drop dead anymore. I don’t care if I die. I just want it to be over. I want it to go away. I just want to never wake up
Holy crap. I'm so sorry these things have happened to you especially the rape. I hope criminal charges are pending against the bastard. Please talk to a sexual assault crisis line or counselor - you need an expert to help you after something like that. And your parents cancelled the rent because you had sex???? What a couple of self-righteous @#$%. It sounds like something my mother would have done when I was young, too. I have to go right now but I wanted to give you a quick reply. Please take care of yourself and keep in touch
*console *hug
 

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