I Feel So Alone. (I.E. I feel very isolated and separated from mankind).

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Samara, Jul 31, 2012.

  1. Samara

    Samara Account Closed

    The other day, I was feeling as though I have a "new" family. I am 'estranged' from my real parents since 13, and have been with extended family since 15 years of age.

    It has been hard integrating myself into that extended family, because they are relatively "normal", but I have never been "normal". I have been socially awkward, and off, but aside from just too many back story details to list, the other day I was thinking that I guess I do finally have a family again.

    Guess I was wrong, because only about a few hours later, that same day, the family got into a drunken yelling match with each other, that I broke up by calling a cab to send people home.

    The issue I have, is that one of the family members has a history of being drunken and screaming, and being utterly aggressive and unreasonable. He will say a bunch of things, and everyone else gets scared and just lets him go off on the tangent. This same person also said sexually suggestive things to me, about two nights before...

    Well, it was nasty, that night, just like other nights that involve this person. The problem is, that whenever I am out of line, people have no problem telling me such. #2, is that I feel like its impossible to tell this family member about how I feel. Whenever I try, they don't remember saying things, or don't think they were wrong etc... This persons marital partner also doesn't do a whole heck of a lot, except sweep this shit under the carpet.

    This marital partner is the person of whom I am probably the most close to, in terms of family; but I still keep my distance. I called them to discuss this, and I will have to say my tone probably was very blaming toward the person I mentioned, and upset; part of what made me upset is this marital partner chose to defend their spouse, and I feel that's wrong. I feel the spouse was wrong. I disagree... I am probably all over the place, but I got into an argument with that family member...

    And they said some things, and I have my things at their house still, because I used to live there. The spouse was angry that I never said goodbye to them, or thanked them for letting me stay there, and said I should get my shit out of their house ASAP.

    I guess it's a bunch of things.... but I cant really talk to anyone about it, and I just feel very, very alone. Many times I feel like disappearing, running away, and never seeing anyone who I currently "know" any more. I can't imagine I will be too missed, honestly. I feel so disconnected from people. I feel utterly disconnected from my "family" in every sense.

    Blah. I am even unable to write a coherent post.
  2. Sadeyes

    Sadeyes Staff Alumni

    How awful to not have a safe place...maybe it is time to make longer term plans to save what you can and get out on your own...new job training, new job, anything that can get you on your way...attention in school if you are going...plans for college...whatever it will take...that way you know everything is very temporary...about the person being rude and suggestive...it is probably the partner has put up with it for years and went off on you because s/he cannot free him/herself and you are standing up for yourself...set limits, but look beyond this collection of people to the future