I feel so alone

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by Ekirkpatrick, Oct 7, 2015.

  1. Ekirkpatrick

    Ekirkpatrick Member

    I thought I would be happy with a new job but I'm not. I'm still so unhappy. My husband is nice but I want out of my marriage. It's either that or I want out of my life. I don't think any amount of medication can help me. I just want out.
     
  2. True-Lee

    True-Lee Well-Known Member


    Ekirkpatrick, I would like to ask you to Hold On! Hi and welcome to SF, I am glad to welcome you here, I have been coming here on and off for a year, The people in this forum are great you will find they are kind patient and helpful I am sorry that things are that bad for you right now, this tough old world seems to be getting tougher by the day! It is in my opinion in any case.
    Medication can or may only help, it is not a cure all for what ails some of us here. I believe.
    In here I think if you take the time to read some of the forums and talk with some of the people here, it will I believe give you some feeling of hope and understanding, no one here will judge you or try to rush you, when you come in here you are the person that makes those decisions, after all it is your life that we are dealing with in many cases here, there will be someone else that will come to talk with you there might and most probably will be several that ask you how you are doing an how are you feeling and how you feel right now, some might want to talk, some might be saying hi , we want you to feel safe and relax in here, no one will bother you on keep on you, you work in here at you own pace and on your schedule Please Take it Easy on your self, in here you are not a number we will get to know you some better then. others, we work together in here to help others. to help bring you back to some form of a real life! I hope to see you again, Thank You for taking the time to listen to what I have to say know that in here, y
    You are special!
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Just want to say hi let you know i heard you. You are not happy in your marriage perhaps talking to a councilor with your husband will help
    your marriage your relationship with you husband. You have not said if you are taking anything for your depression it can help and therapy can help too but one when one is depressed i understand it is hard to reach out.
    Hope you continue to reach out here ok
     
  4. Ekirkpatrick

    Ekirkpatrick Member

    Thanks all. I'm on Lamotrigine (Lamictal) and Abilify, as well as Clonazepam when needed. But I am miserable and was miserable before I started taking anything and still am. I'm seeing a therapist and my husband and I have been through three together. I love my kids but I hate this. I don't want to be with him anymore. I give up.
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Perhaps then it is time to try to talk about a separation and what arrangements can be made amicable for the children
    If the marriage is killing you then talk to your therapist about this ok he or she can help you
     
    2 people like this.
  6. Jan go

    Jan go Member

    Since I don't have kids I don't know how much I can contribute to this but my parents separated when I was in 3rd grade. I feel like it depends on the age of your kids. If their old enough to deal with it is one thing but younger kids won't take it well. For instance to this day my sister hates my parents for splitting up. She hasn't talked to or seen my mother in years. So please if you can. Try to make sure they will be okay. Otherwise I don't have enough experience to help you with anything else so good luck. I'm routing for you. Stay strong out there.
     
  7. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Alumni SF Supporter

    I do not have children either (unfortunately :( ) but I wish I did. If you want to leave your husband just do it it is YOUR life. You married him, he does not own you. Ye made 3 lives together and ye can still look after them together after breaking up. Does your husband know that you want to leave him? Does he have an inkling? I think you should talk to your therapist about all of this and get it all out in the open. Good luck to you and your family.
     
  8. Ekirkpatrick

    Ekirkpatrick Member

    We have a marriage counselor that we have started going to see again. Hoping she can help us work through our issues.
     
  9. Ekirkpatrick

    Ekirkpatrick Member

    What does it mean if you already have a suicide letter written? I wrote one this morning. I am so sad. Very depressed. I am tired of being in this place. The world would be better without me. Yes, there are people who care about me (my kids and husband) but I'm so tired and I think they would be better off without me.
     
  10. James5706

    James5706 SF Supporter

    Hello. And welcome.
    Only you know what's going on in your life, so we can only help/advise on what you write here. Although I was at the point of no return some years ago, I am at least a way off that now. Like you I love my children, and believed my wife was the root of my unhappiness, and wanted out. But having now fast forwarded a few years, I now realise that my wife was supporting me as best she could. When in all reality, she was struggling herself, not knowing what to do to help. Yet in my eyes, at that time, I honestly believed she was part of the problem, as I believed she didn't love me as much as she should have. Yet in reality, she was at breaking point herself, and struggling to hold us all together. I even told her I didn't love her anymore. Yet deep inside I knew I did. One of the biggest regrets of my long life, as she was so broken hearted.
    Anyway, in short, my thought process was messed up at that time, and not only did I need her, but I truly did and do love her, and wanted her to stay with me. I was so lucky that she stuck with me, and I realised in time that I loved her more than I could ever imagine!
    When you are in your dark place, your thoughts and beliefs can get distorted, and you can make bad decisions, that you may regret forever.
    On the other side of the coin, if you really, truly know deep in your heart that you do not love him. And nothing could ever change that, and it is beyond repair. Then maybe, and I emphasize the word MAYBE, you need to sort your home situation out with him first, then perhaps your mental health issues may improve when you are in a more positive place/situation, or frame of mind with regard to your home life. Just don't make any rash decisions that could affect you and your children forever.
    I wish you all the luck and best wishes.
    James
     
  11. Ekirkpatrick

    Ekirkpatrick Member

    Your message was an eye opener, James. Thank you for writing. I just got out of the hospital on Thursday... My husband convinced me to show the note to my therapist and I did, so I wound up in the hospital. I've had my medication adjusted but am still not quite feeling happy... I guess there's just no magic pill for that, though. :( At any rate, though, thank you again for your kind words. I sincerely appreciate it.
     
  12. James5706

    James5706 SF Supporter

    Apologies for the late response. I pop in and out of the forum, depending on how low I feel..... Anyhow, I hope all is working out for you, and your family. Regards. James