I feel so alone?

Discussion in 'Help Me! I Need to Talk to Someone.' started by kymilmiafir, Aug 23, 2016.

  1. kymilmiafir

    kymilmiafir Member

    Hello,

    This summer has been a little rough for me.

    I've always had plenty of friends back in elementary and middle school, and even the start of high school and I used to get along with my family very well. However, these past couple of years, and especially this summer, has left me feeling very isolated and alone.

    I used to be quite popular in school (I don't care about popularity though, I would much rather have one really good friend than a load of so-so friends). I was very energetic, outgoing, and people really enjoyed my sense of humor. I used to LOVE school so much and had a lot of fun. I had very good grades and a nice group of people I hung out with, and an amazing best friend.

    However, during this summer a lot has changed. The group of people I used to hang out with and talk to constantly has stopped communicating with me. I try to message them but I either get no response or a very blunt one that obviously says "stop talking to me." My best friend is also starting to ignore me as well. Not intentionally though, I don't think. She is making a lot of new friends and I'm happy for her, because she is usually a very shy person; however, because she is making new friends she hasn't talked to me as much and I don't feel as comfortable talking to her as I used too.

    I also realized that I may be bisexual. I've always liked girls; however, recently, I started to like guys as well. Well actually, I thought that I may have liked guys back in middle school, but I put that off as a phase and a problem I can deal with later. Well its now later and my sexuality has caught up to me.... My family is extremely Christian. I don't live in a bible belt state but I might as well because that's where my family belongs. I have heard them make numerous homophobic comments and it really bugs me. I, myself, am much more liberal than them, and often times they love to share their views with me and it really bothers me that I can't say that I disagree with them because I know they will either kick me out or send me to some Catholic boarding school.

    I am about to enter my senior year of high school. I am currently working on my portfolio and application to attend a fashion school on the east coast. My family doesn't want me to move so far away from home or pursue fashion, but I really need to get out of here and fashion is my passion.

    I also have a dad who is very strict and low-key abusive. Often times he will get into fights with my mom and attack her, strangle her, hit her. She won't do anything about it. I have three older siblings but they are all away living their own lives so it's just me and my parents. Really though, it's just me.

    So right now I feel like I am just fighting life all by myself. I don't have anyone to talk to and lately I have been harming myself and thinking about killing myself (which I guess is why I am on this forum). I want to live because I know I will have a bright future but I have to make it there. Life is so hard right now and I find myself crying at random times throughout the day because the future seems so hopeless. I find myself <mod edit - methods> just contemplating which way would be the easiest. I kinda just want to talk to someone so I don't feel like I'm going through this by myself, so any thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

    TL;DR: I lost my group of friends. I am slowly losing my best friend to other people. I think I'm bisexual. I have an extremely religious family. I am about to enter senior year and my parents don't agree with the choices I am making for my future. I hate my dad. I feel alone. I am contemplating suicide but I know if I get through these next few years I have a bright future. I just need to talk to someone so I don't feel so alone.

    Thank you.

    (Sorry for the long post but I just had a lot to get out).
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Aug 24, 2016
  2. curtis

    curtis Well-Known Member

    aww hugs, I'm really sorry to hear you feel this way. what you are describing is literally the exact same as what I went through a couple years back. we are here for you to let it all out, I understand what your going through and trust me it does get better, you have a bright future ahead of you and these feelings you have wont last forever, also I ambisexual it is hard to tell people heck my family still doesn't know only my friend and gf.

    sorry if that didn't make much sense, but if you want to talk about any of this privately just hit me up on here an we can chat :)
     
  3. lifetalkz

    lifetalkz Well-Known Member

    My goodness, I am so sorry that you are going through so many challenging circumstances of late. There is no way that I would minimize the significance of what you're going through now-the high school years are usually brutal times for sensitive people like us (they definitely were for me). I felt very vulnerable and took everything that people said about me very personally. I also grew up in a severely abusive household-it was hell, to put it simply and I had to fight to get through the days until I could graduate and get out of that place. Even after I left home (which was hours after I graduated) life was still difficult. The point is that I did get out of that hellish world and make my own way-and so will you. The hard part is keeping your wits about you when it seems as if you have no one on your side.

    I'm sorry that your friends seem to be getting further away-sometimes it has nothing to do with you personally, it's still hard not to feel hurt though. Try to stay strong and not hurt yourself-I know that you are frustrated by the way that things are going-it's totally understandable. But you are so young-you have your whole life ahead of you and things won't always be the way that they are now. There's not much that I can say to make anything better for you-but I just want you to know that I care about what you're going through. I've been there and I know how bad it feels. I also know that things will be different some day-so hang in there. And keep coming to SF so you can be around kindred spirits with sympathetic hearts and minds. Best wishes and good luck-LT
     
  4. kymilmiafir

    kymilmiafir Member

    Thank you so much. Though it sucks that we both had to go through shit, its kinda nice to know someone else has had my same problem (in some messed up, sadistic way haha). I know that if I tough it out for the next few years, I'll have a really nice future, but it's just really hard. I guess that's life though.
     
  5. kymilmiafir

    kymilmiafir Member

    Thank you! It's nice to hear someone else who went through hell and made it out - gives me hope. I really appreciate all the words of encouragement. There aren't many people in my life that I can talk to anymore, so I don't hear many reassuring words often, so it means a lot.
     
    curtis likes this.
  6. calvinandhobbs

    calvinandhobbs Well-Known Member

    Hearing the struggles makes me want to cry for you and wrap my arms around you. (( )) . These people here are so wonderful!!!
     
  7. kymilmiafir

    kymilmiafir Member

    Thank you! And I know right. I really wish I found this website years ago - would have saved me a lot of tears.
     
    calvinandhobbs likes this.