i feel so alone.

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by saraahh02, Feb 2, 2011.

  1. saraahh02

    saraahh02 New Member

    So, i dont really know what to do atm. Ive been struggling with depression, ednos and self harming for almost two years now and theres few people who know; my best friend, my tutor at sixth form who i talk to weekly about it and the head of sixth form who i go to when i just need to cry. Recently, the depression side of things has gotten worse, i dont know why and im struggling to cope with it. This of course leads me to cutting myself which is also getting worse, i only ever used to do individual cuts and not too deep, but now i keep going over the same one again and again, i want to know its going to scar.
    Our psychology lessons are sometimes cut short when we finish the work early, this happened last week and i stayed behind to help the teacher with something. We got to talking and i can relate to her cos shes only a few years older than i am now. We started talking about mental illnesses (its a topic were doing in lessons currently) and i told her how i wasnt coping very well in lessons. Ive been to her room every day for the past week, just to sit in there on my own with her and just either be silent or just talk about something, sometimes i need to get away from my friends because it feels like im suffocating when im around them. I didnt tell her what the problems were but she knew there was some personal reasons why i was sturggling and all, and she knew that the head of sixth form was being supportive and knew. I kept trying to tell her but i didnt know how to bring it up in the first place and i couldnt seem to physically say it. I still struggle telling people things who already know and are incredibly supportive, but telling someone for the first time? thats hard. I trust her and feel like i should tell her because shes been so supportive already without even knowing it. I do have my tutor and the head of sixth form to talk to, and even though it makes me feel better and relaxed when i do, as soon as i leave i feel crap again. I feel so alone all of the time, except for when i am there, talking about it.
    I asked advice on here last night to see what people thought i should do and someone suggested writing a letter. I wrote one, it was roughly one a4 page long but contained enough detail that she would know what the problems were. I told her i would be in the psychology room in the morning and she said she would be too so i know im going to see her. I just dont know how shes going to take the news and what shes going to say. Im scared.
    No-one knows how bad its gotten, i even lied to my best friend because i didnt want her worrying, i told her im coping, but i just feel like crying and cutting all the time. Its heartbreaking. What should i do?
    Sarah.
     
  2. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    You should go through with the letter if you feel able - the fact you're talking about it at all is huge, can you say on here what the nature of the problem is? Feel free to PM me if you want someone else to talk to as well.

    Chris
     
  3. saraahh02

    saraahh02 New Member

    Thanks Chris.
    I gave her the letter today and ill see her tomorrow when she's read it. I'm anxious. How do you mean nature? As in what causes how I'm feeling, where it stems from?
     
  4. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    That's exactly what I meant - if you want to discuss it in private then feel free to PM me. Know that you're taking a huge step by putting faith in somebody else understanding....Good for you!

    Hugs,
    Chris