I feel so alone.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Liam94, Nov 21, 2011.

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  1. Liam94

    Liam94 Member

    I dont know where i should begin..

    Im eighteen years old, i live alone away from all my friends and my so called 'family'. I go to university, around 200 miles from my hometown. Since moving, each day i feel more alone. I really dont think i can do this anymore...

    My life just seems to be one big fuck up. I can never seem to do anything right, i've started to not really care about my classes at uni.. I just dont seem to want to get up for my lectures anymore, so i dont. I just stay in bed all day, practically everyday. i dont seem to have the motivation and the energy to live another day of my life - sad i know.

    All i find myself doing is thinking of ways i can kill myself, and attempting to do so. I cannot stop cutting myself, as much as i try not too. I dont even know who i can speak to anymore, my best friend says he is always there for me, but sometimes when i call him and talk about my problems he doesnt seem like he has the time for me, which makes me feel so alone. Lately it has got to the point where I can hardly speak to him about the way i feel.

    As for my 'family', they are no help whatsoever, they only care about themselves, i have two brothers and a sister. Im the outsider, always on the edge of the family. Everytime we all meet up, it is always so awkward they have their chats and jokes and exclude me from everything, it's like it's all about them. They claim they care, but they dont bother with me, as much as i try and reach out; they just dont care.

    I just want all of this to be over, i just dont think i can do this anymore.
     
  2. In Limbo

    In Limbo Forum Buddy

    Oh God someone just put a mirror to me at 18...

    Some thoughts:

    I'm guessing from your English used that your based in the UK? If so then the university should have an on-site counselling service. Seriously try to talk to someone on this service - at the end of the day you are a valuable asset to the university - it being in their interest that you get a good degree - so they should be really helpful...

    Have you had any face to face conversation about this - the internet and phones are all very well - but I find talking in person is so much more helpful - if nothing else because your audience will realise you really are serious!

    Feeling an outsider in a family is hard - really hard - what I would say is this:

    It sounds to me like you are suffering from depression - this is an illness which takes away both hope and energy - this leads to assumptions and reasoning that are often false. It also makes you a very good liar - or at least at hiding your feelings from other people...the two combine to make it feel like we're reaching out - when actually we're waiting to be reached out to.

    So be honest with your family - if they do love you - they'll take you seriously - and above all seek medical attention. Having suicidal urges and attempts are to me, the surest sign that you're ill - and if no-one else will take those symptoms seriously - a doctor will.

    I hope that helps,
    Feel free to drop me a PM anytime,

    Much love,
    Chris
     
  3. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Oh hun i agree with everything Chris has said you need help hun Talk to t he councillors at your school They will set you up with a doctor who can get you on some medication to help your depression they can get you extra tutoring if you need it The are there for that reason hun to help YOU okay so please just do that one thing go in and talk to someone abt how you are feeling so suicidal get some help now hun YOU are 18 hun there is help please reach out and get it. hugs
     
  4. Liam94

    Liam94 Member

    yeah, i am based in the UK. yeah - i thought about going to speak to the counselling people about it, but personally, i want to keep what's going on in my personal life away from my uni life.

    Yeah, i've had many conversations in person about how i feel etc. But being over 200miles from the person i can actually speak to, is rather difficult. As i cannot afford to get a train home, nor can he afford the train to me, so that puts me in a rather difficult situation.

    Its beyond hard, its like they dont even care, i feel so estranged from them, i dont feel like i could even mention one word about how im feeling to them.

    Yeah, i think i am going to go to the doctor about this, but i am unsure of where to go, so i think i'll have to wait till i go home and go to a doctor in my hometown.

    Thanks man! x
     
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Uni doctor talk to them okay just get something prescribed to help pull you out of the depression your in It does help hun Everything has to be kept confidential even with uni doctor okay hugs
     
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