I feel so alone

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Blackbird33, May 7, 2012.

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  1. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    Most of my friends have abandoned me, every person that Ive ever fallen in love with rejected me, half of my family barely speaks to me and the other half has so much on their plate that can't help me with my issues, and I feel that if I died outside of my family i would be forgotten in a few months. I started taking anti-depressant meds, and therapy just isn't an option because I feel too ashamed of all the things going on in my life. Right now I see all my former friends from high school and college happy in relationships, getting married, and starting families while I'm just stuck alone like always. I really feel that if I lived a long time that I'll die alone and be a person that ends getting buried in some potter's field because I have no friends, family, or loved ones. What's the point of holding on if its just going to lead to a life of misery and loneliness.

    I feel as though my life is just getting worse
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 7, 2012
  2. Whispers

    Whispers Banned Member

    Hi, Blackbird. Thank you for telling us what's bothering you. Life can indeed be difficult and trying at times. We've all hit rough patches. Believe it or not, they do get better. A lot better. You just can't see it right now and are not able to see the light at the end of the tunnel right now or how to get around the obstacle currently in front of you. Doesn't mean that obstacle is impossible to get past, just you may need a little help in overcoming it and getting to the good part of life.

    Ever hear the old saying, "Cant see the forest for the trees?" That sounds like you right now. You are so deep in the forest you can't see how beautiful and lovely it is because all you see are the trees and branches directly in front of your face. Everything is too close to you and your vision is obscured.

    I would be more than happy to listen to you, your story and what has brought you to this dark place if you'll give me a chance. I'm a good listener and would like to hear about what has you down right now. We can talk right here about it or you can PM me or if you want privacy and a 1-on-1 discussion, IM me in chat. I'm almost always in one of the rooms.

    Help is here if you want it.
     
  3. StevenSiew

    StevenSiew Well-Known Member

    Are you a good person? If so, then you are worth it to someone else. I am sure there is someone out there that will love you if they can find you. PS: make yourself findable
     
  4. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I personally kind of want to die alone with no one who knows me or cares about me. You know, be that person who is dead for months before people notice and then people want to know who I was, but have no idea because no records are present. Heck right now it is hard to find a picture of me after age 14. I will probably have someone find me, bury me and assume my identity.

    I try to embrace the being alone. For instance, do something random, if you have friends and family and do not include them they scold you. You can do whatever you want whenever you want really. If you want to see a movie, you do not have to spend 50 minutes trying to see who else wants to see it. You pick up the paper and go. You want to try a new dish for dinner. Who cares if it tastes bad? You can bury that and no one will know. You want to pretend you are someone else, drive 400 miles away and come up with a fake name and pretend to be someone else for a day. No one knows and no one cares. Embrace being alone, and you might actually become annoyed by people, like me.
     
  5. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Just want you to know that people do care. I know you're feeling alone right now, so I hope you'll keep reaching out to us.

    Here if you ever need a friend, or just feel like talking. You can PM me anytime.
     
  6. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    This past year year has been the worst time in my life and all I kept hoping for was that one person who would be there for me and its now made me realize just how alone I am.
     
  7. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @Blackbird33: I find that the only person we can REALLY rely on is ourselves. Even if we have a significant other or a family or something. At the end of the day there will be things that they do not want to do or help with. I still say you should relish the solitude a little. Maybe... I do not know redecorate on a whim or something. If all else fails make new friends... I mean you made friends once before right? Surly you can reproduce that act.
     
  8. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I hope you'll reach out for friendship on here. We care, and we understand what you're going through.
     
  9. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    For most of my life I've relied only on myself even through times of difficulty but now I just dont have the strength and I don't know how much longer I can keep dealing with all this. It's even harder to hang on when your future just seems to be paved with rejections and loneliness.
     
  10. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    @Blackbird33: :sweat: Yeah I know what you mean. So I am not really one to talk because I am going to kill myself when nothing changes when my cat dies. However, it seems like you are very dependent on these people. I have my friends, and the only one who is annoying me a little is the one who says he is getting married, yet he has not given me an invitation. I have made it a point that my friends are an enhancement to my activities. I have not directly invited someone to something for a couple of years now. I say I am attending something and that they are welcome to come. Most are stunned that I went alone when they flake out. Maybe you should try letting people know you are doing something, and they are welcome to attend. However, do not make their attendence mandatory.
     
  11. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    I've always been independent if there was something I wanted to see or do I would go alone. I've eaten in restaurants alone, gone to the movies, travelled half across the world alone. That's the point before I covered up the loneliness but now my life has turned to shit and I wanted to find a support system only to realize just how alone I am.
     
  12. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    I just bought a box of sleeping pills I'm going to wait till my sister goes out tonight. Hopefully she'll just thinking I'm sleeping.
     
  13. spidy

    spidy Well-Known Member

    Please dont do that as it isnt the solution keep reaching out here.How will your sister be when she finds out your not just sleeping .Things can and will turn around just takes a bit of strength and fight,
     
  14. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Please don't!! We can be your support system, there are people here who care. You don't have to go through life completely alone.
     
  15. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    I am sure you can overcome this. There are plenty of people out there who sit alone and wish they could see movies or go eat at resturats but cannot because they have no friends. You have overcome that and you can overcome this. Sometimes you just have to do something. How about you go out and build a new support web? Use this one for the time being while you build one in real life?
     
  16. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    I'm sick of this life sick of living like this hoping things will get better. I want to see my mom and my niece one last time than I'm done. I just feel numb I've tried counseling, meds, meditation, changing environment. Some people feel suicidal and than eventually overcome it but right now suicide just feels like a relief.
     
  17. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    People do overcome it, and you can too. I know it doesn't feel like that right now, because you're so low. But you can make it through this.
     
  18. Forgotten_Man

    Forgotten_Man Well-Known Member

    You know when I hear that nothing has worked, not to be rude, but I have to wonder if people give it 100%. My roommate is a good example. He constantly whines about not being phyiscally toned or cut or whatever. So I ask him how many times he he lifted this week. I am met with one or two times. I say ok, what you have you been lifting, he says the same thing he was lifting three months ago. Then I give him a list of suggestions. He brushes it off, if I am lucky he attempts one of my suggestions. Just so he can say he did what I told him too.

    You have tried the typical route for getting better socially. Now why not take an atypical route. There are plenty of books out there on Manipulating people and how to talk to people and make friends. Why not read one of these and apply it? I find that socializing is hard because you do not have measurable results. Why not take up fitness? It is something to do, and the chemicals your body releases will help with depression. Plus you can take before and after pictures, measurements, and mark down your weights and progress. So in a few months you can see numbers grow, if you push yourself that is. I find the gym is a great place to be. Most people there all know what it takes to be successful and all of them started somewhere. You have no reason to be ashamed at the gym because you are there to get better. That is why I go to the gym. It is one of my zen places... :sweat: it is also why I do not hit on females there... :tongue: Did I mention the view is almost always good at the gym? You go there and show dedication and try hard people will notice. I get random people who come up to me and say "Damn you are making a lot of progress". People who I have never seen or of whom I have never even spoken too.

    :sweat: Sorry I am in a bad mood. My roommate was being whiny, and when I did not console him... well he kept on complaining. When I advised him he got pissy... I fucking hate that about him.. anyway I hope this advice helps.
     
  19. Blackbird33

    Blackbird33 Well-Known Member

    It's Mother's Day and my own mother wont even speak to me.
     
  20. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    I'm sorry. :hug: Why won't she speak to you?
     
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