I feel so ashamed. I'm still a virgin but last night I went out with my ex boyfriend and afterwards I went back with him to his place and of course we ended up playing around. I'm so stupid- I should of just gone home and done that at a later time if we keep dating. Again still a virgin but I feel like such a slut. I feel like trash. I'm so dumb. I don't know why I make such stupid decisions. I have low self esteem so that is why I feel like I'm not worthy of respect. I'm just even more depressed now. I just want to end my life that is my Christmas wish. I plan to do so right after Christmas.