I feel so close

[sweetsweet]

I feel like I am reallly coming close to coming up with another way for a suicide attempt. I alreadt tried one form of poisoning that did significant damaged that I completely bounced back from.

Anyways, I just feel like it's close now. I am slowly looking into the meds thing and getting powerful painkillers and relaxers. There are plenty of ways. Just got to decide on one.

I started this dumb fucking school and while everyone is all worried about getting their shit right I'm think about how to get the fuck out of this place. I"m think about the hanging thing this Friday. I've wrestked with that a few times and I can't get that right. I know I will end up strangling but I would be in the state of mind that I wouldn' care. I just can't get it so that I am actually being strangled to death rather than just having something tighly around my neck. My height and weight seem to be the real problem. Or maybe I just don't want to die that way. I always liked going with some sort of poisoning or overdose(which I guess is poisoning).

Therapist meetings should go for more than once a week. That would make going there a little less useless for me.

I can't believe I can actually feel like shit some much. My therapist even said that it seemed like I wanted to disappear. I do. Is it just me or does anyone else sort of create a little fantasy world in their head? I'm not talking about dragons and imaginary palaces. But, like a place where you hook up with that someone you had a crush on? You got the job you applied for? There are other Saturday night options besides staying out alone or going out alone.? You actually find a place youfit in at? There's a certain place I hope I go after I poison(?) myself to death.

Well this is a helping forum. I know there's a harm forum out there. Where the give ideas on how to off yourself.

 

[progrocker]

Why does everyone look to pills and medication for suicide. Thats a terrible, possibly painful and prolonged way to kill yourself.

Please, if you step off the edge, please make sure it's effective and painless.




Can I suggest something to you? I'm sure you would be willing to try anything at this point assuming your going to commit suicide.

I recommend this to everyone here who is close to the edge, including me.

First, pick a day in the near future. and take it off. SKIP work, skip school, skip whatever. Fuck it, it doesn't matter at this point since your going to off yourself anyway right? Spend some money on gas, and find a someone who can get you psylocibin mushrooms.

Get a cd player, get the tool cd lateralus. Find a small hikable mountain. Eat some shrooms, and hike that mountain until you get up to the top. If you get to the top of the mountain, have listened to the entire cd while tripping on shrooms and still want to off yourself, the option is available to you while on that mountain. Trust me though, I think you will change your mind.

Doing this gave me a couple months of prolonged happiness. Fuck buildings, nature is where it's at.

 

[sweetsweet]

I actually don't know anyone who has shrums around here. That's always been my problem. I've never actually been able to make contact with a person who has great connects to drugs.

The med thing isn't so bad. It could be one of those things that just happen. I mean if you combine a bunch of shit. Plus in the meantime sometimes the little experiments result in good feelings. Maybe not as good as what you were describing though.

By the way, there's no hikeable mountains around here. The nearest one is way to far especially with the price of gas now.