I've been going to a psych. and therapist for over a year and nothing helps. I've been on just about every med there is. Now, the dr is starting me over with the first stuff I tried. I'm very shy and honestly have not one friend besides my husband, who thinks I should "snap out" of all of this - and doesn't understand. It makes him angry at me if he sees I'm "acting" depressed. I hate myself so much already, so that doesn't help. I've been hiding my depression as best as I can from him, but it's getting so hard. I HATE getting up every day and HATE being alive. I believed in Jesus most of my life, but don't have any faith now. I don't think he knows/cares about me, either. Why would he? I've totally thrown my life down the toilet. The only reason I'm alive is for my daughters, but I'm setting such a bad example for them. They'll probably end up depressed from watching me. Honestly, I try not to show it, but I'm just so TIRED of it all. Nothing matters any more. I wish I knew for sure I could just die and go to Jesus. But, now, I'm scared. To top it all off, my insurance is changing Jan. 1 and OF COURSE neither my dr or therapist is on "the list." Now, what? It's taken me 2 years of mostly sitting there to be able to open up to my counselor! I'm still scared to death to talk to her, but she's the only one in the world who knows me even a little. Why is this happening now? Is there any place besides ASH that I can find info. on what happens if I don't take enough pills? I just hate to try it, and end up only destroying my liver or something. I've never fit in anywhere in my whole life, so why am I even here?