I'm in a motorized wheelchair, I am sick with muscular dystrophy, I almost died a few years ago, I had a girlfriend of 13 years, a job, an apartment, I worked overseas several years, after a pneumonia that nearly killed me I am now 24/7 on a respirator, I have a tracheostomy. I have a feeding tube and I have chronic pain, I'm on morphine and I also have bad chronic vertigo/nausea that make my life totally unbearable. I stayed in the hospital for 2 years and a half because there was no place for me to live, I could not return home as I now need 24/7 care. I nearly went insane, to this day I still need to fight the system to get the care I need and I no longer have the strength to continue fighting, just the thought of it fill me with terror. After the pneumonia it took me a year to recover some strength and be able to breath by myself and also to be able to eat. Against all odds I made it, I was not ready to die. And the doctors every week were asking me if I wanted them to "make me comfortable" and let me die. During the years I was in the hospital I had to make a complaint so they could find me a place to live, it took 2 years to settle this. Fast forward 2 years and I have no quality of life left, I'm now living in an old folks home, my girlfriend no longer stay with me, she got her own place, financially I am now completely broke and considered as a "retiree", if I make any money, the government will seize it to pay for the rent here, 2000$+ a month. I am in my 30s and I used to work in IT. The idea was to continue to improve, but for 2 years now nothing has changed, I am sick of being miserable everyday. The professionals dealing with my case have totally let me down. The 2 main issues are my vertigo and my lungs. The air is so dry here (less than 15% humidity) that it cause big problems with my secretions and lead me to choke. It gives me the feeling of drowning which is unbearable. So after a year of struggle to breath by myself I gave up as the air is too dry and it was a constant struggle to try and breath. All the progress I made is lost as the respirator now breath for me 24/7, my muscles are now too weak. And humidifiers are not allowed here, too bad for me. Giving up what was left of my lung capacity has been incredibly hard, I feel like a total failure and the injustices that are done to me, I can no longer take. In a few days my doctor will come and I hope I can summon the courage to ask him what he can do to help me die. I've been meaning to ask for a few months now, the words just won't come out. My girlfriend has stuck with me so far and I have a good family, I feel like I'm not living for myself anymore and I don't want to hurt them, this is what is hurting me the most and I feel like a total coward.