i feel so hopeless

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by swimmergirl, Jan 27, 2013.

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  1. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    and all i can think about is ending my life tonight, when it is quiet and dark, i can just slip away, unnoticed, allow them to find me in the morning, long gone, asleep, finally at peace. i want to say goodbye to one person, sadly, that person is not enough to keep me alive, and this will hurt her, and for that I am sorry, but I must go, and i think she will understand, someday.
  2. Ittybittycrazy

    Ittybittycrazy New Member

    I feel the same way, although the person I'd hurt the most is lying right next to me in bed, fast asleep.
  3. Petal

    Petal SF dreamer Staff Member Safety & Support SF Supporter

    Are you feeling any better today swimmergirl? I hope you are. Even when things feel like an end is near, there is always hope :)
  4. NottiShark

    NottiShark Member

    problem is that she won't. 'Healthy' people don't understand suicidal feelings and probably never will. For them, unless that person is 80+ bed ridden, suicide is just simple something so far-fetched that they are not even close to understand. If that person really love you she will feel guilty for the rest of her days.Will never move on without thought she could have saved you. By committing suicide you'd give her a big chunk of your actually suffering.

    I'm not trying to be harsh but I know the feeling of 'oh they will understand one day'. No, they won't. Thats the truth. Just read some stories on suicide survivors forum and don't fool yourself.
  5. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    No she will never understand and she will blame herself for not doing more to keep you here she will live in sadness after you leave hun so please reach out and get help to get rid of your depression ok please hun
  6. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    i still feel so much pain, i want to make it stop, i dont know how to do that besides ultimately ending my life. Guilt and shame are keeping me alive right now, adn that is just adding to the pain, so eventually it will be too much, and I know I will impulsively do something to harm myself out of pure anguish and hopelessness. I can feel it coming, like a train picking up speed, heading right towards me, and I can't get out of its way.
  7. meaningless-vessel

    meaningless-vessel Well-Known Member

    I daresay it's a major faux pas of people who are in this hole, to think that the only way out is suicide. It's not guilt and shame keeping you alive, it's something within you doing that. What you need to do is locate what that is, and use that to formulate a life plan.

    And not everyone makes it to 80+ and are bed-ridden. I know someone who was in my year/grade at school, who died from cancer at 24, and you've probably heard of some people reaching 100.

    Life is there to be lived. Ultimately it's in your hands, but you have to change the way you think about it. It's not easy, not really fair, but then that's just life in general. So the situations and circumstances may have given a false impression that you are hopeless, and in a number of cases I've noticed on the site, people involved around the one suffering don't always help, but once you hit the age of 18, in many places you are considered an adult. Even if you wait until 21 (and I don't know your age), from the moment you reach that age, there is nothing that anyone else can do, nor do they have a right to dictate to you about how to live.

    There's a few rules/regulations in place for each role of employment (like a code of conduct), and there are laws (to generally protect people from the felons/criminals), but other than following retrospective guidelines, how you live is in your hands and no-one else's.

    If you want to PM to talk to me about anything, don't hesitate. I am in the UK though, and timezone's may come into play here.

    You want to make the pain stop, but what kind of pain is it? Emotional? Physical? Mental? Psychological?
  8. swimmergirl

    swimmergirl Well-Known Member

    its the kind of pain that radiates through my mind and my heart because i feel utterly alone in this world. my best friend is my dog. the next person i feel closest too is my therapist. It's so pathetic. I won't be alive tomorrow. I have decided to die, to murder myself, to end this lonely miserable existence that stopped being a life a long time ago, when everything went wrong. I am broken, i will not change, or forget or make any meaning out of what happened, i just hurt constantly and soon i hopefully won't hurt so much, i set my broken soul free. I believe that this is how it's meant to be, now all i have to do is pull the trigger and whisper goodbye.
  9. NottiShark

    NottiShark Member


    You really need to think this through a bit longer. Im not saying that suicide isn't an option for you, I'm saying you should wait a BIT longer. Just do it for that one lovely woman, okey? Lets say a month, okey ? Once you are dead it doesn't really mean much how much you had suffered so why not wait just a few weeks ? If you need to, treat it like a last gift for your loved one.

    Okey, If you agreed to stay just for 4 more weeks we need to try out something first. That thing helped me tremendously (more than antidepressants, therapy and whatever else). Its called 'Mindfulness'. Sounds a bit buddhist mumbo-jambo I know, but actually its becoming more and more popular among psychiatrists. Its absolutely new way of living for me and involves few, easy daily mindful exercises. Best would be if you can get Jon Kabbat-Zin book 'Full catastrophe living' or you can listen to free audio book on yt: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IiSQO6gS9e0.

    Try out those technics for those 4weeks and then decide if you still wanna die. If answer will be yes, at least you'll die knowing that you tried everything to help yourself.

    If you need any additional support or have any questions I'm always available through PM for you!

    Good luck for you, it'll be okey. I promise :)
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