I have never before in my life felt this hopeless. I have reached an ultimate low and I don’t think things honestly can move forward. I can’t comprehend life changing. I left school at 16, went into an intense treatment programme, and still at 20, I’m struggling. I know it will hurt people, my death, I can’t stop thinking about that fact, but I can’t stop thinking that it will be the end to this either. I want to stop this tortuous life. Annihilate my worthless existence. I think I would be the luckiest person alive if I went to sleep tonight and didn’t wake in the morning. I know that’s an incredibly selfish thing to say but I just want this pain to end. I have a date set in my head and its making me cry, because I have time to think about how it will impact others. I don’t want to have to die, but I can’t seem to live. I feel so alone.