I feel so immensely close to the end.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Flames, Jan 21, 2010.

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  1. Flames

    Flames Member

    I have never before in my life felt this hopeless. I have reached an ultimate low and I don’t think things honestly can move forward. I can’t comprehend life changing. I left school at 16, went into an intense treatment programme, and still at 20, I’m struggling. I know it will hurt people, my death, I can’t stop thinking about that fact, but I can’t stop thinking that it will be the end to this either. I want to stop this tortuous life. Annihilate my worthless existence. I think I would be the luckiest person alive if I went to sleep tonight and didn’t wake in the morning. I know that’s an incredibly selfish thing to say but I just want this pain to end. I have a date set in my head and its making me cry, because I have time to think about how it will impact others. I don’t want to have to die, but I can’t seem to live. I feel so alone.
     
  2. bringer of light

    bringer of light Well-Known Member

    Mate I am 28 and attempted suicide several times. I won't go into detail, but even now that I am stronger I still feel like ending it sometimes. So your not alone.

    Your existence is not worthless. One day you will meet a lovely woman and maybe get married and have a lot of kids. Otherwise you may become a philosopher and be remembered for centuries. It's never worth giving up something you are given.
     
  3. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    You aren't worthless, and you're not alone either. I hope you'll stay and talk to us about what's got you feeling so bad.
     
  4. Flames

    Flames Member

    I just feel so incredibly hopless. I've lost friends through self harm. My self harm has actually got out of control and so has my anxeity, I've just left hospital and feel like i have messed things up, beyond being capable to fix. i dont want to sound like im just listing problems, but there is so much in my life that makes suicide seem like a reasonable option. I have a date set in my head and i think this time, i will go through with it, despire that being so selfish. just cant see how exsisting is positive.
     
  5. Flames

    Flames Member

    I just feel so incredibly hopeless. I've lost friends through self harm. My self harm has actually got out of control and so has my anxeity, I've just left hospital and feel like i have messed things up, beyond being capable to fix. i dont want to sound like im just listing problems, but there is so much in my life that makes suicide seem like a reasonable option. I have a date set in my head and i think this time, i will go through with it, despire that being so selfish. just cant see how exsisting is positive.
     
  6. WildCherry

    WildCherry Staff Member ADMIN

    Why do you feel like you've messed things up, what feels like it's not capable of being fixed?
     
  7. bringer of light

    bringer of light Well-Known Member

    Mate. If someone judges you by the cuts on your arms, judge them to be cannon fodder.

    My whole body looks like a wood chipper but, I don't let the bastards get me down. Raise your head and be proud. There are probably a thousand babes out there.
     
  8. fmsquash

    fmsquash New Member

    I know your pain buddy. I've wrecked friendships, relationships, career prospects etc... but believe me there is a way back. Life is long... If you have a specific date in mind that means there is still a glimmer of hope and fight inside of you. It seems like so many others have have their lives together, but really there is ALWAYS opportunity to turn things around and become happy again; seeing all of it is the hard part because your isolation has really limited your ability to see better potential, but it is there. Don't give up. Fight hard.
     
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