I feel so lonely and my only comfort is a knife

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by bluefish, Feb 7, 2009.

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  1. bluefish

    bluefish Well-Known Member

    My boyfriend, well ex, moved out of my house last night. It had been a long time coming and it was a decision we both made, but fuck he left before I even had the chance to come home. By the time I got home he was gone, everything of his was gone. It felt horrible. I get home to a lonely house and I still expected to see him here, hopeful I guess. I slept alone last night with my two cats and it feels so lonely here. I should be happy to be here, I mean I just bought my house a few months ago and I dont want to be here because he is EVERYWHERE. And the thoughts run through my head....."Why? I was good to him, I loved him, I did everything for him. Why does he want to be on his own? Why did he feel trapped? Did I make him feel trapped?" He told me he didnt love me, and unfortunately for me, the feelings were NOT mutual.

    I haven't cut since my last breakup last year, and that last incident had me end up in a hospital bed with 37 staples on my arm. And I had been doing fine, I was happy but now all I want is to grab a knife and run it across my skin. I promised I would never do it again, so I don't know why I want to. I feel so lonely here, I feel like a failure, like I couldnt get him to love me and be with me. I mustve done something wrong. I failed. Im a loser.

    I just want to hurt myself for being so fucking stupid and ending up here AGAIN.
  2. frankie626

    frankie626 Active Member

    *hug ....
  3. Rachel123

    Rachel123 Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry you're feeling so down. PErhaps your life will be better without him. He obviously isn't the right person for you.
  4. Breathe Me

    Breathe Me Member

    I'm sorry to hear that.
    You could just try to talk to someone about. You mother, your friend, your sister? Or you could write it down in a journal/sing about it, however you like to express your feeling OUTSIDE OF CUTTING.
    You know you don't have to cut. Sometimes the easy way isn't the right way.

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