My boyfriend, well ex, moved out of my house last night. It had been a long time coming and it was a decision we both made, but fuck he left before I even had the chance to come home. By the time I got home he was gone, everything of his was gone. It felt horrible. I get home to a lonely house and I still expected to see him here, hopeful I guess. I slept alone last night with my two cats and it feels so lonely here. I should be happy to be here, I mean I just bought my house a few months ago and I dont want to be here because he is EVERYWHERE. And the thoughts run through my head....."Why? I was good to him, I loved him, I did everything for him. Why does he want to be on his own? Why did he feel trapped? Did I make him feel trapped?" He told me he didnt love me, and unfortunately for me, the feelings were NOT mutual. I haven't cut since my last breakup last year, and that last incident had me end up in a hospital bed with 37 staples on my arm. And I had been doing fine, I was happy but now all I want is to grab a knife and run it across my skin. I promised I would never do it again, so I don't know why I want to. I feel so lonely here, I feel like a failure, like I couldnt get him to love me and be with me. I mustve done something wrong. I failed. Im a loser. I just want to hurt myself for being so fucking stupid and ending up here AGAIN.