I feel so lost and empty, teetering on the edge of nothing.

Discussion in 'Suicidal Thoughts and Feelings' started by Angelwhalo143, Aug 18, 2016.

  1. Angelwhalo143

    Angelwhalo143 Member

    I dont know whats worse, knowing everything is too heavy or not understanding why its happening.
    I feel like im reliving a horrific period. 8 years later, and it feels the same.
    Retraumatizing as well as new trauma. I am so lost, and their arre so many hard paths to take and only one easy one. And i knows its only easy for me, and no one else left to deal with the responsibilities I want to run so far and fast from.
    To just jump on the substance wagon, and really ride or die it out. I cannot seem to sstop all of this pain, confusion, and worry. I cannot.
  2. Rockclimbinggirl

    Rockclimbinggirl SF climber Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hugs. Are you seeing a doctor or counsellor to help you deal with the trauma? How are you doing today.
    PracticalGrit617 likes this.
  3. Angelwhalo143

    Angelwhalo143 Member

    I have been seeing someone for over a year. It helped for so many things, but not this. I cannot shut off my heart and head connection. I don't feel much better today, but I made it 24 more hours substance free.
  4. lightning05

    lightning05 Well-Known Member

    Congratulations are being substance abuse free. I'm very sorry for all of the pain that you are experiencing. Do you think that right now you have just hit a rough patch? I know about not being able to "shut off", it can be tough. What do you do for relaxation or distraction? Have you tried some gentle exercise to boost your mood? I hope you are feeling a little more up soon.
  5. You shared a lot of good changes. The tougher trauma will just take time. I understand how frustrating that can be. I suffered from deep, crippling depression from grief for 7 years before I finally put my foot down and said enough. Even then, the residual depression tries to creep in now and then. You have to grab it by the horns and throw it out. It sounds like you're wrestling with it. That's a good thing, tough though it is. Don't give up! Suicide is never the answer. I tried to kill myself in college, and I'm grateful it was a failed attempt. People who I thought didn't care about me were the one's who saw me through. Sometimes, we just have to battle and wrestle with our perspective. You hit the nail on the head, "I cannot shut off my heart and head connection." The problem is that you keep trying to shut it off when it needs to be dealt with. I strongly encourage you to speak with someone you trust. Someone who will listen so you can let all the ugly out.
  6. In the meantime, know that we are all here for you. Many of us have experienced our own victories. So let us hold you up when you fell like falling.