I dont know whats worse, knowing everything is too heavy or not understanding why its happening. I feel like im reliving a horrific period. 8 years later, and it feels the same. Retraumatizing as well as new trauma. I am so lost, and their arre so many hard paths to take and only one easy one. And i knows its only easy for me, and no one else left to deal with the responsibilities I want to run so far and fast from. To just jump on the substance wagon, and really ride or die it out. I cannot seem to sstop all of this pain, confusion, and worry. I cannot.