i feel so mad

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by flayflow, Nov 5, 2008.

  1. flayflow

    flayflow Well-Known Member

    AHHHHHHHHHHHH
    I feel im going mad...
    Anger
    Sadness
    Lonelyness

    Why has everything turned on me.
    I dunno what else to do.
    I cry myself to sleep
    I cry everytime I think about it
    Yes, I sound 'Emo' but it hurts like crazy

    I don't wanna mention any names incase someone does read this but I aint got anywhere to just write down my thoughs on everything.

    6th form is shit and I can't stand it.
    Family life is shit...
    Love life has completely disappeared...
    Feel empty.
    Feel Dead...
    Why though...
    He's just another guy right?
    Wrong...
    He's made to much of am impact on my heart and I'm attached.
    It's scary how you can love someone so much you'd do anything for them.
    Difference is...
    Can we be together again?
    Yes?
    No?
    Maybe?
    I know what I want but does he know what he wants?
    Is it me?
    I feel Im losing my best friend.Half my Heart...Half of everything...
    I sound pathetic
    But its true...
    Love can hit at any age
    But why does it have to happen to me, right at this time...
    I can't handle the tears...I should have ran out of water by now!
    So many thing I wanna say to him but i can't... well not that I cant, i can tell him anything but do I want to?
    Yes...but how... how do I tell him I want him, and only him...
    Does he believe me if I say Im sorry and never want to hurt him again...Not after loosing him. I love him.No I mean LOVE HIM...
    I think about him night and day.Wonder what he's doing but I dont wanna do his head in... How do I tell him how I feel without breaking down into tears? Without making things go back to the way they were before...
    Im confussed
    Scared
    Lost...

    Things are slowly starting to sink in, I think...well I hope.

    Life's just trudging along like there's no tomorrow but I still feel like something is missing...Don't ask me what because I don't actually know and it sucks.

    Him?
    Possibly...Still think about him even though I really should stop but how do you if you love someone? you can't really.

    Mates just got a new boyfriend and I hope to god he's not a twat like the other's were to her because she deserves someone decent...she's to nice to keep being hurt but she's like me in a way...ish...

    It feels weird...when I write here, It feels like someone is listening but for some reason I sort of answer my own questions and doubts...just from writing them down...crazzzzzzeh...

    But like I said Im not on a rant today...more calm...collected... =)

    I hope me and him do get back together...nothing would make me happier and I would do everything in my power to make it work...there is nothing I want more then to be back in his arms... =D

    Saw him yesterday...He was leaving as I got there...I asked if I could walk to the bus stop with him...

    So many things I wanted to say...wanted to just grab him and kiss him but didn't want to get pushed away..nothing can hurt more then that...
    I wanted to tell him that I'll always love him and I hope he makes the right choice.I'd be devistated if he got another girlfriend...I would die inside...

    I just wanted him to tell me how he was feeling about it all...abot how he feels about me and why...tell me why he doesn't feel we can be together...in full detail...I want him so bad but I don't know how to show him how I feel for him and how much I promise to make him the one and only, Make him feel special, my guy, that I don't want anyone else, Just him, only him...

    But just to top it off...

    Not mentioning any names... walked into school today...we had a group meeting like we do every tuesday in the common room...

    As Im walking towards it I see my mate sat on the science stairs with her head bowed...so...as a mate I went up to see if she was ok...No reply so I stood there untill she felt like talking to me...

    Her dad called her and she asked him to pick her up from school...She picked up her bag and walked off without even Acknowledging I was there asking if she was okies...

    No more nice me...can't be fucked with me? I can't be fucked with you either...Have other things on my mind then to know if your ok...