I feel so much guilt and pressure

Discussion in 'Rants, Musings and Ideas' started by sadhart, Nov 17, 2011.

  1. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I wasn't sure if I should post this, but I decided to. I am in my late 20's, I live with my elderly aunt, I have had put school on hold for reasons I am not comfortable discussing right now, and I don't have a steady job.

    I wake up everyday feeling so much guilt for not meeting my own standards and goals I met for myself. I sometimes just wish I had the courage to take my life so I can stop being a failure and burden in life.

    However, I feel a lot of pressure and most times anger towards my family because they talk to me as if just kick my feet up like I don't have a care or a worry in the world. It just adds to the frustration I already feel. It's like i'm supposed to sit here and not have a life or I can't make my own decisions.

    I realize that I am a burden, a failure and a bad person, but that doesn't mean I need people who hardly practice what they preach to throw their bullshit guilt trips over me. Sorry if this didn't make any sense. I may try to elaborate more later.
  2. Kiba

    Kiba Well-Known Member

    I'm sorry it seems like you are having a very rough time right now too.. jobs are just so hard to come by.. well.. any real good ones that could even support someone enough to have their own place..

    I personally live on disability income and am tired myself of doing nothing in my life.. As well as I also can't go to school for my own reasons as well..

    If I can ask, what standards do you set for yourself..? Or what are some examples?
  3. Speedy

    Speedy Staff Alumni

    I make a lot of sense from your post. You put a lot of thought into it. I can tell. What kind of hobbies have you enjoyed in the past? I really think what you post is fine. No worries needed. If you feel like posting, by all means go for it. I think it would be fantastic for you to feel absolutely comfortable posting on the forums here... so that this forum is a positive influence for you. I am just really sad to realize your loved ones are showing a lack of understanding and giving you negative responses about what's going on in your life. :hug:
  4. total eclipse

    total eclipse SF Friend Staff Alumni

    Hi sometimes just talking about what we are feeling helps to release the anger and the pain some I too hope you continue to post hugs
  5. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    I guess when I think of my own standards, I think about being able to finish college as soon as I can, and where I can. Or when it comes to driving....it is a fear of mine and some people in my family can'r seem to grasp this. I want to feel more comfortable behind the wheel, but on my time not theirs.

    I want to have a place to live on my own, and people like my jackass cousin somehow thinks I like the notion of sitting in my aunt's house rent free. No, I wake up everyday feeling like a worthless piece of shit, the same as I go through the day, and the same when I try to go to sleep at night.

    So I guess those are some of the standards I try to achieve...I hope that answered your question.
  6. Acy

    Acy Mama Bear - TLC, Common Sense Staff Member Safety & Support

    Hiya, Sadhart. Sounds like there's lots on your mind. I wish it were easier and less guilt-inducing stuff.

    I didn't learn to drive until I was 28 years old. :) Right now it seems that maybe lessons are something to plan for in the future. I'm sure that when the time comes you will do just fine.

    As for your family and their comments. It's too bad that our "closest" contacts sometimes don't realize how much their words can hurt. As has been said, it's hard to find work atm. Please don't beat yourself up over it. It IS a hard job market!

    One possible option to help you relieve your sense of guilt with your aunt and to stop the accusations/comments from your cousin - offer to do (or just do) odd jobs around the place to help out your aunt. Perhaps you already do, so you don't need to feel guilty! But even things like doing the dishes or cooking once in while, making sure that the high corners get dusted, doing the icky mopping, or lugging the vacuum about once a week - I'm sure she'd appreciate them. And it would certainly help to shut down your cousin's comments.

    Please stay safe. :hug:
  7. sadhart

    sadhart Well-Known Member

    Yeah, I've been making sure to do things more around the house. For example, I've been raking leaves all week, even when it was wet outside I made an effort to do so. I didn't really do it to please her, but mainly because it helps to keep busy as most days I deal with my emotional pain by drinking or cutting.