I feel so out of it

Discussion in 'Self Harm & Substance Abuse' started by rachypooh, Aug 26, 2006.

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  1. rachypooh

    rachypooh Well-Known Member

    I cut for the first time in five months on monday night, ended up with the cops and ambos here. But I hid the real place I cut from them, I didnt want to end up in hospital again after being out for so long. I have since cut everday of this week except for today, I am at about 36hours being cut free.
    I am struggling big time with wanting to cut and hit, btu I know I would be letting down myself and others who care about me if I do it again. I have told only one person where I cut myself, I dont know if it was a good or bad thing to tell her or not, I thought I could trust her, well I know I can but she was the one who rang an ambulance on me on monday and once previously. I dont know if it is safe to say my secret cutting place on here or not. I just dont know if it would be good for me to get it out of my system or not. I just dont know, I am so confused about it all. I dont know if I am here or there. I just feel so out of it, like I am going to start dissociating on everyone again and I hate it when that happens. So frustrating...... I guess playing with a knife isnt exactly getting rid of the temptaion. I just want to do something but dont know what.
     
  2. wienerman

    wienerman Guest

    it is really good that you have kept 36hrs without cutting, take it on a day by day basis, or even hour by hour basis if you need to, in times of great stress. it is good to talk to others about it, and it shows that she cares a lot for you that she called the ambulance. also generally it is not a good thing to play with the knife, but getting rid of it is not the immediate answer either because you still at the moment at least want the safety net of using it. however the time that it takes you to get it, is when you should try to calm yourself down and talk yourself out of cutting again. i think you are a very brave person with all that you have faced.
     
  3. Marshmallow

    Marshmallow Staff Alumni

    your friend seems very concerned with for your safety and your very lucky to have someone who cares for you a great deal, your friend must of been in a very difficult situatuion when she called the ambulance, on one hand she doesn't want to obuse your trust but on the other shes very concerned for your safety, in my eyes i believe she did the right thing, as said in the post above, talking about it may help get alot of thing sof your chest, if you need to talk we are allways here :hug:

    take care

    vikki x
     
  4. rachypooh

    rachypooh Well-Known Member

    Police and ambulance were here again at about 11 last night, so I have decided to keep my mouth shut when it comes to that sort of stuff, although on here it is good because no one knows my address or phone numbers.

    I hadn't hurt myself that bad and when my mobile rang at a little before 11 I knew it was the ambulance service because it came up as an Adelaide number and I talked to the lady on the end of the phone for a little bit and told her I didnt need an ambulance, that it was just scratches and it wasnt bleeding or anything, she still wanted to send an ambulance to check me out and I said no, that i just wanted to go to bed and sleep as that was where I was when she rang. After I said no she said fine and went but about 10 minutes later I looked out the front window and a police car was outside my house then the door bell rang so I had to answer it, the ambulance guys checked out my stomach and said no point in taking to hospital, go back to bed. I do think I got my adopted mum in a bit of trouble though because they asked for her last name, they have never done that before. I'm hoping that she wont be in any trouble. I'm really not in the mood to talk to her anymore but I know I will forgive her in time, she hasnt replied to any f the texts I sent her last night or today, so either she is having a break from me or she is out of credit, or both. Either way I havent heard from her and I'm not sure how to take that. Anyways I have stuffed up big time yet again and have no idea where I am going or what I am doing
     
  5. wienerman

    wienerman Guest

    :hug:, dont be so hard on youself, take some time to think things through and work out what you want to do, and where you want to go. things between you and your adopted mum, should blow over, so use the time to think of youself.
    take care :hug:
     
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