I cut for the first time in five months on monday night, ended up with the cops and ambos here. But I hid the real place I cut from them, I didnt want to end up in hospital again after being out for so long. I have since cut everday of this week except for today, I am at about 36hours being cut free. I am struggling big time with wanting to cut and hit, btu I know I would be letting down myself and others who care about me if I do it again. I have told only one person where I cut myself, I dont know if it was a good or bad thing to tell her or not, I thought I could trust her, well I know I can but she was the one who rang an ambulance on me on monday and once previously. I dont know if it is safe to say my secret cutting place on here or not. I just dont know if it would be good for me to get it out of my system or not. I just dont know, I am so confused about it all. I dont know if I am here or there. I just feel so out of it, like I am going to start dissociating on everyone again and I hate it when that happens. So frustrating...... I guess playing with a knife isnt exactly getting rid of the temptaion. I just want to do something but dont know what.