I really hate posting. I feel like I'm being whiny... -__- I guess I'm looking for some level of distraction so that I don't do it. I'm pretty sure I'm going to do it tonight- and properly this time. just don't want to be here anymore. things are too hard and I don't think I'm healing. I don't think I'll ever heal... I'm scared I'll be a crazy hermit like my dad was for 10 years or maybe like my grandmother; for the past 35 years. instability runs in the family... there's no sense in running from it. I'm losing my mind - I've got no idea who I even am anymore. there's no point in continuing.